What do you mean “I’m having a Breakdown?”

this is definitely true… and while I hate to admit it (even more than the bladder weakness) I force myself to self evaluate constantly…

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sometimes, it is easy to know that my emotions are throwing me a curve ball… like when I broke down into tears because mom didn’t want to go straight to the mall… did she say she wouldn’t go?? no… this happened early on in my diagnosis… and I heard when mom said she need to make a stop before we headed to the mall???

“You aren’t gonna get to go to the art store.”

Needless to say, there was snot, tears and some hyperventilation… we eventually made it to the mall, but mom’s pit stop turned into a doctor drive by… thank heavens my doctor at the time was a family friend, cause mom stopped in and simply said “You need to up the does on her happy pill!!”

before I even made it out of the hospital, I was informed that I would need a mood stabilizer… and boy were they right… my heart would break at the slightest misunderstanding… thankfully, my anger wasn’t a problem… but it could have been… when lesions start burning out hole in her head, your personality and they way you respond to events in your life can change… the information seems to get lost as you fight to figure out what the hell is going on, and how you’re supposed to function…

but one step at a time, I you can stop to think things over, you may not understand but there will be times when you notice a difference… you’ll think ‘huh… that doesn’t seem normal’… this is what I try to do… it was hard at first, confusing… and didn’t really work… but with time, I got better at spotting my actions and reactions that didn’t seem right… I know I still get things wrong, but it isn’t about being right all the time… its about learning to function, and I do that by evaluating the things I do and say, and trying to make sure that it makes sense…

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