watch me run…

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I ran… the wind blew, the sweat started to drip, my breathing accelerated, and still I ran… I became a bullet train of MS glory… muhahahaha

okay… that isn’t me… and my distance my seem trivial to some, but to all you MSers out there, when I say I managed to beat my time on the 25 foot walk, it will mean something… when I first got sick, 25ft felt like miles… a marathon of pain… and then I had to sit down… and that was after I had bounced off the walls as I wobbled down the hall… and my time… HA… a lot embarrassed me back then… now I share everything… bladder issues, jumbled words, or loss of basic abilities… but at the time I wanted to cry… I felt like I needed to push harder, like people (even my dr) would look at me and think “She isn’t even trying… there’s nothing wrong with her!!!”

back then my 7+ seconds time was humiliating… as I grow with my MS, and accept more limits, and strive for goals, I am better equipped to handle the ups and downs… but this one, folks, was definitely an up… 2 seconds… point-5 seconds faster than my last time…  and what fancy foot wear did I don in preparation for my big run???

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HA… no tennis shoes for this girl… I showed up for appointment with my comfy flip flops on my feet… but this 25ft walk (or in my case run) is serious business… lol… so I kicked them off… and my doc, well accustomed to my ways by now, told the little nurse in training to “back out of the way…. she really is gonna run” … lol… in my stance and off I went… it is the small accomplishments that help to balance out the crap… and that 25ft is now my favorite part of the neurologist’s office… that and my doc is funny… that is why I think she will totally appreciate my runners gear…

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I soooo need to find something like this… 😛 … day by day, highs and lows, I want everyone to keep shooting for those small moments… it can be anything… a good time on your 25ft walk, a day without headaches, making something that has been giving you trouble for years… each small moment gives hope … and, for me, usually a smile… because I am well aware that I am acting like a silly monger, but for once I am having fun with my MS… tracey

 

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Walk it Off – MS

Today is Walk MS in my area… a time for MS supporter and sufferers to come together to fight MS with a fundraiser Walk… they walk a mile, eat some lunch, and purchase some Multiple Sclerosis shirts…

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lol… my zombie walk has gotten a lot better but I still have my off days… most of those walking are sturdy on their feet… to participate, you don’t have to actually walk, if you can’t… I have been virtually walking for the last month… (though no one has chosen to donate on my MS page… I was still able to show my support)

next year, plan how you can support MS… donations, walk/bike, or blog until you can’t blog no more… 😛

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I have never had anyone say this to me… and I never say it to myself… be sure that you never say it either (to yourself or to others) … each and every day, do what you can… whether it is for something like Walk MS or in day to day tasks… I can’t walk this year, and I have found a way to make myself feel like I am contributing… I would love to actually walk but that just isn’t some that I CAN do…

and the walker are off….

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

Animal House…

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puppies are sooooo dang cute… and I have to say I have never seen a cat be that tolerant… for the most part my two pugs and one kitty love each other… but they also stay out of each others way… (like I said… for the most part… lol) the pugs give Ellie her way, and she keeps her claws to herself…

but what in the world does this have to do with Multiple Sclerosis???

they are my motivation to get up in the mornings… to keep going when I just want to crawl under the covers and forget for a while… even your doctor will tell you that a pet can help with various health issues… lower your blood pressure, keep you calm, stabilize anxiety… and that is your average pet, not an animal trained to help with blindness, seizures, or various traumas…

my animals get me out of bed, make me smile and brighten my day… they need me and I need them…

I love my mother and she is my number one support, but my animals give me that spark for life when things look bleak… personally, I think that everyone should have a pet… no matter if you have an illness or not… and especially as we get older… I have seen more than one of my grandparents light up after getting an animal of their very own.. even the ones that swore that they never wanted another…

so if you don’t have a pet, and want to save money… go to your local shelter and see which one speaks to you… or if you want one of the breeds, save up and get you fur-baby as soon as possible… they are a lot of work, but worth every minute…

living with MS has been a lot easier with my fur-babies by my side…

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

mommy killer!!!

 

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alrighty… before I get to my MS virtual Walk post, I had to share this… this was one of the many reason that I have come to believe that Disney is a mother-hater… lol… I cried more watching their movies as a child than in day to day life… they were always killing mom or locking her up… I would cry and tell mom that they needed their mommy… but his part really hit me hard for some reason… dumbo could only touch his mommy in this small way… even now, it tears me up… (I blame the MS) damn you Disney… now I need tissues…

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I am gonna pretend that I didn’t just tear up over a Disney GIF… muahahaha

Battling MS truly is a super power… and don’t forget it… even Dr. Seuss knows that MS can suck…but each and every day, we face MS and come out on top…we get back up, we smile through the pain, we clear our throats and give that sentence another try… and when we just need to take a day off, it doesn’t mean the MS has won… no way, dude… we just need a moment to get our second/third/forth wind…

facing each day with a positive outlook isn’t always possible, but as long as you give it a try, you have tomorrow to give it another go… that’s what I try to remember, when I am feeling beaten… ‘I wasn’t able to do it today, but tomorrow I can try again’…

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

bring on the funny…

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LOL… okay… that gif has nothing to do with MS…but with four days until the big Walk MS event, it thought we could use some funny… that is what living with multiple sclerosis is all about… finding the humor in our lives where and when we can…

you have to enjoy every minute that you can, and get through the moments that bring on pain/doubt… and always remember those funny moments, while looking forward to the next humorous event… that is what happens with my mother around… she and I have similar funny bones…and can always make each other laugh…

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Mom likes to say that between the two of us, we almost have one functioning brain… lol… and it sadly sooooo very true…

the other day…. okay three days ago… mom and I were chatting away… and when I opened my mouth to comment I completely forgot one of my words… I knew how to describe it (like a combo of football and soccer but scary violent)… sadly she didn’t know what I was talking about… but three days later, I’m not even thinking about our conversation when out of the blue ‘rugby’ pops into my head… I guess my process was slow… 😛

mom forgets stuff all the time too, but she lets it get to her, stating that it is a sign of old age… but I just say ‘that’s life’… but in a nod to her distaste for getting older, I have promised to visit her with a new purse every day (new to her forgetfulness) I will save money and she will always enjoy a new present…

all joking aside… forgetting things can be scary… and is not something to laugh about unless the person you are joking with also thinks it is funny…

anywho… three more posts and the Walk is on…

Walk MS

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

Pain in the Arse

 

Dead leg… what the heck is going one here…

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I haven’t had any episodes of true numbness… thank heavens… but it does seem like I can’t stand to sit in a chair like a normal human being with out my legs and arse falling asleep… quickly…

and then the pain hits… which just seems unfair… I can’t sit in a theater, or reception hall for any length of time without the inevitable sleepy bum and antsy legs… and then OMG the pain… I can barely make it through a movie, and sitting through a graduation or awards ceremony is torture…

it is depression to realize that supporting my cousin at her college graduation is going to be painful and that the tears in my eyes will be less for the pride I will feel for her accomplishments and more for the depression welling up in my heart… I mean… no one wants to realize that their life is soooo very different from everyone else’s life… all of those other people in the stands will be beaming with their happiness… while I will be leaning one way and then the other, just to relieve the ache building in my backside, not to mention the pins and needles racing down my legs…

and if I don’t get up and move, the pain finds its way into my back… but does it stop there… ohhhhh nooooo… I have now reached the point where I either need to lie down, get in a lazy-boy and prop up my legs, or if it is really back, get in a hot bath… and on top of being depressed that I can’t just sit through the event like everyone else, am embarrassed, which usually brings on the tears…

I remember sitting through one of my cousins weddings when I was barely a year into my diagnosis with MS… and I moved so dang slowly… but anywho… I had sat through the event, the pain had started, and I saw the long line of people waiting to congratulate the couple… there was no way I was going make it stand in that line, and no way I could make it down stairs to the reception in the church basement, let alone stand or sit around celebrating the nuptials… and it was early in my disease, meaning emotions were even more out of control than they are now… soooo I broke into tears… sobs actually…and mom had to make our excuses, which was embarrassing, and caused even more tears…

mainly because I knew that there were going to be people that looked at me and didn’t understand… they wouldn’t know why I was sobbing or why I was leaving… so yeah… ms sucks… at least when my other cousin graduates from college, it will be quiet tears of pain and pride, without the sobs…

I almost wish that my cousin would take a few more years to graduate, and as for the movies… I go to maybe one a year… and it has to be something I am dying to see, because I know halfway through my body will start to feel like I am on my last legs, so I will need something great to take my mind off of what is happening to my body…

MS can really suck, so work with it and around it… otherwise it will drive you insane…

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

Fear Me…

Okay… I came across this poster on Pinterest just had to share… it is essential to know and accept that MS patients deal with fear and anxiety on a daily basis…

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I already do “Sharing Fear” and “Coping with Anxiety List”… except for writing down my anxiety, but I may subconsciously give the characters in my novels and short stories some of my anxieties and fears…

I have noticed that one of my sub-characters has a problem with hot weather, and a main character has shyness and wallflower behavior to rival my own… lol… but with my stories I can find ways for them to move past these issues…

with sharing my fears, voicing them out loud, I feel a weight disappearing… just by saying it out loud I realize that my fears aren’t as impossible as I thought… they aren’t as big and all consuming as they appeared… and usually, I have my mother to tell me that everything will be okay… and even if she doesn’t have an answer that will actually fix my fears, she has a suggestion that cheers me up…

as for the coping with anxiety list, I already said that I don’t do a regular list of fear/anxiety and that I share my fears when the hit… as for the rest of the list…

My mother is always there for a quick hug when I need one, and I am all about relaxing bath time… in fact I spend more time in the tub than I do out… at least that is how it feels… when I can’t sleep or my anxiety is getting the better of me, or even if I have some pain that refuses to go away, I head for the bathroom and shout out ‘I’m going swimming’… some hot water and low lights, and I am off to sleepy time…

A calming breath is always helpful, and diverting activities are at the top of my list of coping mechanisms… usually I use one of my favorite movies/shows to zone out… my mind already knows all my favorite parts of the show and tunes itself to the familiar scenes and actions… working on an art project also helps to balance out my mind… and man do I love art projects… especial if it is something new that I have never tried before…

and finally, Avoidance… I know what will cause me to be angry, anxious, sad, etc… and avoiding news, shows, people, events, and all the other disruptive activities that I know will affect my mental state is part of life now that I have MS… I don’t usual say why I am avoiding something, and that is wrong… I should just come out and tell those around me that I need to disengage from the situation so that my mental state isn’t adversely affected… I mean, if you know that going to a party with ‘uncle Dick’ or ‘friendly Ratchet’ will cause your temper to flare or your tears to flow, then walk away… when I can walk away, I avoid the situation like the plague…

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE