Pain in the Arse

 

Dead leg… what the heck is going one here…

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I haven’t had any episodes of true numbness… thank heavens… but it does seem like I can’t stand to sit in a chair like a normal human being with out my legs and arse falling asleep… quickly…

and then the pain hits… which just seems unfair… I can’t sit in a theater, or reception hall for any length of time without the inevitable sleepy bum and antsy legs… and then OMG the pain… I can barely make it through a movie, and sitting through a graduation or awards ceremony is torture…

it is depression to realize that supporting my cousin at her college graduation is going to be painful and that the tears in my eyes will be less for the pride I will feel for her accomplishments and more for the depression welling up in my heart… I mean… no one wants to realize that their life is soooo very different from everyone else’s life… all of those other people in the stands will be beaming with their happiness… while I will be leaning one way and then the other, just to relieve the ache building in my backside, not to mention the pins and needles racing down my legs…

and if I don’t get up and move, the pain finds its way into my back… but does it stop there… ohhhhh nooooo… I have now reached the point where I either need to lie down, get in a lazy-boy and prop up my legs, or if it is really back, get in a hot bath… and on top of being depressed that I can’t just sit through the event like everyone else, am embarrassed, which usually brings on the tears…

I remember sitting through one of my cousins weddings when I was barely a year into my diagnosis with MS… and I moved so dang slowly… but anywho… I had sat through the event, the pain had started, and I saw the long line of people waiting to congratulate the couple… there was no way I was going make it stand in that line, and no way I could make it down stairs to the reception in the church basement, let alone stand or sit around celebrating the nuptials… and it was early in my disease, meaning emotions were even more out of control than they are now… soooo I broke into tears… sobs actually…and mom had to make our excuses, which was embarrassing, and caused even more tears…

mainly because I knew that there were going to be people that looked at me and didn’t understand… they wouldn’t know why I was sobbing or why I was leaving… so yeah… ms sucks… at least when my other cousin graduates from college, it will be quiet tears of pain and pride, without the sobs…

I almost wish that my cousin would take a few more years to graduate, and as for the movies… I go to maybe one a year… and it has to be something I am dying to see, because I know halfway through my body will start to feel like I am on my last legs, so I will need something great to take my mind off of what is happening to my body…

MS can really suck, so work with it and around it… otherwise it will drive you insane…

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

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