Tag Archives: anxiety

Fear Me…

Okay… I came across this poster on Pinterest just had to share… it is essential to know and accept that MS patients deal with fear and anxiety on a daily basis…

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I already do “Sharing Fear” and “Coping with Anxiety List”… except for writing down my anxiety, but I may subconsciously give the characters in my novels and short stories some of my anxieties and fears…

I have noticed that one of my sub-characters has a problem with hot weather, and a main character has shyness and wallflower behavior to rival my own… lol… but with my stories I can find ways for them to move past these issues…

with sharing my fears, voicing them out loud, I feel a weight disappearing… just by saying it out loud I realize that my fears aren’t as impossible as I thought… they aren’t as big and all consuming as they appeared… and usually, I have my mother to tell me that everything will be okay… and even if she doesn’t have an answer that will actually fix my fears, she has a suggestion that cheers me up…

as for the coping with anxiety list, I already said that I don’t do a regular list of fear/anxiety and that I share my fears when the hit… as for the rest of the list…

My mother is always there for a quick hug when I need one, and I am all about relaxing bath time… in fact I spend more time in the tub than I do out… at least that is how it feels… when I can’t sleep or my anxiety is getting the better of me, or even if I have some pain that refuses to go away, I head for the bathroom and shout out ‘I’m going swimming’… some hot water and low lights, and I am off to sleepy time…

A calming breath is always helpful, and diverting activities are at the top of my list of coping mechanisms… usually I use one of my favorite movies/shows to zone out… my mind already knows all my favorite parts of the show and tunes itself to the familiar scenes and actions… working on an art project also helps to balance out my mind… and man do I love art projects… especial if it is something new that I have never tried before…

and finally, Avoidance… I know what will cause me to be angry, anxious, sad, etc… and avoiding news, shows, people, events, and all the other disruptive activities that I know will affect my mental state is part of life now that I have MS… I don’t usual say why I am avoiding something, and that is wrong… I should just come out and tell those around me that I need to disengage from the situation so that my mental state isn’t adversely affected… I mean, if you know that going to a party with ‘uncle Dick’ or ‘friendly Ratchet’ will cause your temper to flare or your tears to flow, then walk away… when I can walk away, I avoid the situation like the plague…

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Keep trying

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Isn’t that the truth… if I do too many things, too many days in a row, then I am sooooo tired … And in pain…. I need days to recuperate… it’s really hard to work around this MS detail of day to day life, but most of the time I can… but this means that scheduling too many activities in advance is a bad idea… or is it…

When I went to DragonCon (think costumes, writers, actors, conventions) I knew that just walking around and taking part in the insanity wouldn’t happen… but there were a lot of authors I wanted to see, and a bunch of writing workshops that interested me… soooo what did I do??? I took a chance… I signed up for all the workshops that caught my eye… If I could make it, then I went… And when I needed to rest or sleep in, it was disappointing, but I did…

But planning and resting is all well and good… that doesn’t mean that I didn’t overdo… yep… I wanted to go and see one of my favorite authors at one of the talks… problem was, I was exhausted… totally wiped out… Still, I went… I even sat up front… I mean, right up front… Where all those people I looked up to could see me… And what happened you ask??? A 110 percent fatigue … I tried, i really did… but no matter how hard I tried to keep my eyes open, I passed out… and then my body would do that thing where it jerks awake because you are about to crash face first into a your desk, or your about to fall out of your chair… *clears throat… ahem… cough, cough…* oh, look… my cheeks are red…

so I keep jerking awake just as I was about to fall off my seat… sitting right in front of Laurell K. Hamilton and Jim Butcher… I was embarrassed beyond belief… And what did I do about this embarrassment???

I made sure to catch the next time they were scheduled to talk, the next day… oh, I was still embarrassed but that didn’t stop me… I did however make sure not to sit in the front row… lol… and this time I was wide awake and I had a marvelous time…

always keep trying… and never give up…

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

Wear your sweat with pride

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OMG… Hot weather and my sweat glands sooo do not get along… I melt like an ice cube in 110 degree heat… I hate it… it is sooo embarrassing to be standing in the middle of a group of people enjoying the breezy 70 degree weather, and there I am in shorts and tank top, and flip flops… drowning in sweat… Sweat that increases with anger, tears, and especially anxiety… Anxiety that hits me at every turn…

I am doing so much better these days, but I still become confused at the drop of a hat… and that causes??? you guessed it… Anxiety…

And explaining to people that I may need for them to repeat instructions multiple times causes??? YEP!!! Anxiety….

Large crowds, meeting new people, asking questions, making phone calls, making a speech…. ???? …. Anxiety, Anxiety, Anxiety, Anxiety, ANXIETY…

but on the positive side… when I first got diagnosed I couldn’t even leave the house without my temperature sky rocketing, and my lesions firing up causing a flare up (exacerbation) which manifested in headaches that brought me to tears and caused my out of control emotions to screaming/ crying tantrums… Which caused embarrassment… which caused??? OMG…. more Anxiety…

I had to spend the first three years or more in one room that had a window air conditioner on top of the central cooling system… when I was first diagnosed, I kept my hospital room sooooo cold that the nurses actually grabbed a jacket before entering… lol… and yes, I was there long enough for the staff to know that my room would be freezing…

Plus side… I have been out in 80 degrees (sweating) without a headache… so I will take that as an improvement…

*As for that perfect world where the temperature is always perfect… that would be San Francisco… Mom took me there in the early days because it was on the list of dream vacations… if you have severe heat issues, vaca in San Fran… it is wonderful… these days, I enjoy a little heat when it is horribly cold… I might even need a jacket if I ever go back…