Tag Archives: author

Swag insanity

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Swag away peeps… muhahaha… this is an idea I saw on Pinterest… and mom bought me a book of bead ideas… I hope to have a large number of free gifts (swag for writers) to hand out when I go to the Rebels and Readers author signing event Nov 5, 2016… I will be there as one of the signing authors… this is my first signing… I am excited and freaked the heck out… and I just know that I will be embarrassed as I sit there sweating like a hog… but this MS chick will push through…

I plan on having a comfortable chair, and running for the hills at the first sign of a headache… lol… Just kidding… I will pack my head in ice if I have to, I will do at least one book signing… if all goes well, I will plan on others… and of course, I will follow my publishers directions… if she wants me to go to other signings, then away I will go…

arts and crafts are part of the way I deal with my MS… it keeps my mind working, and gives me something to do when I can’t read or write (my true loves)

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OMG… You Want Me to What??

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I know that one day I will be asked to stand up in front of strangers and read an excerpt of my latest novel… ARGGHHH… saying that I don’t expect a standing ovation is an understatement… if I don’t throw up from nerves, I will be sweating and beat red from embarrassment, embarrassment that will trigger my MS issues into over-reaction… because I know that my natural shyness and my MS will fighting to take over, I have decided to head back to my critique meetings when I feel up to it… What??? How can that help???

One of the things we do at these meetings is to read a portion of our latest work out loud, so that the group can give us feedback… in the past, I allowed my fear of reading out loud to stop me from reading… I had admitted my dyslexia and shyness, both of which result in stutters and embarrassment overload… because everyone already knew what was going on with me, they all offered to read a portion of my story for me… knowing these people, and interacting with them for more than a year, I now feel more comfortable around them… that took some of the embarrassment out of the picture… but not all… I still have to deal with my hatred of reading out loud… dang Dyslexia/MS combo…

but since I feel comfortable around them, and because I know that excerpt reading will one day become an issue, I decided to use them as practice… I hope that I can become more comfortable reading out loud, just like I got used to singing solos… granted, I threw up before almost every solo… soooo… yeah… anyone got some valiums I can borrow???

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Feeling Twitchy

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lol… this has been a biiiiggggg issue… I call my spastic movements ‘twitches’… but mostly it affects my arms… I have accidentally hit people and object more often than I can count… but the height of the spastic life has to be the time I threw my drink in my own face… OMG… Diet coke right to the face…

the involuntary movements have been less frequent in the past few years, but when I first got sick it was horrible… it eventually got to the point where I could feel them coming on… if I tried to hold on to the feeling and stop it, the feeling became quite painful… but then, it could also be painful to just let the ‘twitch’ happen…

I busted my knuckles on the driver side window just about every time I got in the car… or, you know… the passenger… 😛 Just go with it MS peeps, and always stand next to people you dislike … and for the love of mud, be careful while drinking…

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One step at a time

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This is true for everyone out there… we all walk our own path in this world, but as an MS gal this statement really hits home…

just because we can’t walk as fast, or as far in one setting, as others doesn’t mean that we are unable to do and live… we will reach our goals, it just might take us a little longer than Norms… Norm = your average healthy human on the planet *sorry guys… I write Paranormal/fantasy romance… there are a lot of Norms in my world 😛 *

Take a breath, slow down, and make your own way… it took me a long time to accept that I wouldn’t been doing things in the same way that I had taken for granted my entire life… Even when I started to feel a little more human, I had lost a lot of the things I loved but believed that would always be there… so what if I had all these stories in my mind??? so what if I could draw and paint??? so what if cooking a gourmet meal came with ease??? So what if I loved softball and could any wild pop up thrown my way???

These things were there but always in the back of my mind… Then it was all gone, along with the basics… writing, reading, speaking, walking… etc, etc, etc… As I started getting the basics back, I wanted to jump to the finish line… I wanted to be the person I used to be… If my talents weren’t coming back, then I wanted to shop and cook a simple dinner… I wanted to live… to have a purpose…

It was only through my writing (when the ability came back) that I finally managed to find a purpose… I still can’t deal with numbers (and for a former mathematics major, that was a huge hit) and answering questions are extremely difficult… but I can make things up with the best of them… lol… if I can entertain even one person with my stories, I have a purpose…

If you want to cook??? but a recliner in the kitchen… save up and get those soft cooking mats for professionals… keep trying to find your own way… who cares if your kitchen looks like a high school door, you can do your prep and mixing from a comfortable position… 😛

Just remember to take your steps one at a time… and if it causes you pain, then do your best to find a way around the problem… happy wordage everyone, Tracey Clark

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Keep trying

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Isn’t that the truth… if I do too many things, too many days in a row, then I am sooooo tired … And in pain…. I need days to recuperate… it’s really hard to work around this MS detail of day to day life, but most of the time I can… but this means that scheduling too many activities in advance is a bad idea… or is it…

When I went to DragonCon (think costumes, writers, actors, conventions) I knew that just walking around and taking part in the insanity wouldn’t happen… but there were a lot of authors I wanted to see, and a bunch of writing workshops that interested me… soooo what did I do??? I took a chance… I signed up for all the workshops that caught my eye… If I could make it, then I went… And when I needed to rest or sleep in, it was disappointing, but I did…

But planning and resting is all well and good… that doesn’t mean that I didn’t overdo… yep… I wanted to go and see one of my favorite authors at one of the talks… problem was, I was exhausted… totally wiped out… Still, I went… I even sat up front… I mean, right up front… Where all those people I looked up to could see me… And what happened you ask??? A 110 percent fatigue … I tried, i really did… but no matter how hard I tried to keep my eyes open, I passed out… and then my body would do that thing where it jerks awake because you are about to crash face first into a your desk, or your about to fall out of your chair… *clears throat… ahem… cough, cough…* oh, look… my cheeks are red…

so I keep jerking awake just as I was about to fall off my seat… sitting right in front of Laurell K. Hamilton and Jim Butcher… I was embarrassed beyond belief… And what did I do about this embarrassment???

I made sure to catch the next time they were scheduled to talk, the next day… oh, I was still embarrassed but that didn’t stop me… I did however make sure not to sit in the front row… lol… and this time I was wide awake and I had a marvelous time…

always keep trying… and never give up…

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Cross your legs and pray!!

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Wellllll…. heck… sure is nice to know I am not alone in this… it is embarrassing but yes, yes I have wet my pants like an un-potty-trained toddler… for the most part it isn’t that bad… but I look a little insane at times… I mean, I am 35 years old… and I rush to cross my legs every time I feel a sneeze coming on… Why??? because I don’t want to pee all over myself… and sneezing seems to be my trigger…

and heaven help me if don’t notice the sneeze/cough before it happens… grr… and the problem of a full bladder… especially first thing in the morning… you know, that moment when you want just a few more minutes of sleep, and you convince yourself that peeing isn’t that important… because, hey… you can hold it for five more minutes… HA… I don’t think so… if I wake up and need to pee, I get up and pee… there is no waiting…

it is like my bladder, my body, has forgotten how to hold it… I feel the need to run to the restroom, and it is probably too late… for the love of mud, let the cursing begin… and the vacation rule ‘have you used the bathroom??’ is in effect every time I leave the house… don’t feel the need??? too bad… get in the bathroom and try just in case… yep…

it reminds me of one of our vaca trips, where we took two cars and used CB radios… and when my grandmother needed a restroom break??? mom got on the CB and said “breaker, breaker, we have a senior citizen with a bladder control problem…” lol… mom got wacked on the back of the head, and we all laughed… more at the fact that mamaw was beating up the driver than anything else… but the whole thing was hilarious…

Well, I feel like someone is on some mystical CB every day now, and let me tell you… NOT SO FUNNY…. but I am 35 dangit, and I will pack baby wipes and extra under pants before I pull on a pair of depends… you hear me MS… I will not go down without a fight… grr… 😛

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who put that wall here??

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lol… the worst is coming up the stairs when my legs are upset with me… I mean… who wants to explain that they fell down the stairs because they first fell going up the stairs…

I learned very quickly to hold on for dear life no matter if I went up or down the stairs… and on really bad days, I do the imbalance crawl… where you are almost on your hands and knees when there are stairs involved…something that is also helpful when your back hurts… heaven help you if you need to carry something (like my pug, which is afraid of everything… including stairs)

if the little guy only knew the life and death situation he was in every time he asked to be carried, he would be afraid of me as well as the stairs, the dark, heights, being along… yep, the list goes on and on…

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(a few makeup issues there but hey if you spent 90 percent of the time in a downpour of sweat you wouldn’t practice very often either… lol) the one looking at me is Bella, and the one that looks like he is pouting is Moe-moe … Moe-moe (aka: big scardy cat)

back to the point… MS likes to throw balance to the wind… recently my balance has only been a problem when I become over tired, or for that first hour after waking up… it’s like someone decided to reconstruct the dimensions of the house… and rearrange the furniture… I need to move slow and careful for that first hour… because it is either that or start wearing padding and shin guards… owww… 😛

but my balance has improved a lot over the years… the first few years, I had to bounce off the walls in order to make it down the hallway… and the 25foot walk that the neurologist insists on was rubbish… it took forever to make it 25feet and then I needed to rest… my hope is that one day I will be able to walk through the mall without pain, and without needing to rest… if my balance would continue to improve, that would be great as well…

my doctor says that my 25foot walk is the best improved MS patient she has… woo who… 2.4 seconds… that is a record for me… and it is one I feel proud of… and if I have an off day, or my balance acts up for a few months/years, I hope I will always have the upbeat knowledge that I may get better again… never give up guys… happy wordage, tracey

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE