Tag Archives: embarrassment

Hello bladder issues…

Well, another day in the life of MS…. now my bladder has decided to become a silent assassin… yep… that is what I have… the organ is killing me, and doing it by sneaking up on me (usually when I first wake up, but hey, all hours of the day are fair game) and leaking by either dribbles or gallons…

and being me, I decided to tell anyone and everyone… why??? because it is embarrassing as all get out… and I have found that repeatedly sharing your horror & embarrassment helps to lessen that feeling, and the need to hide…

and it turns out, a lot of women pee on themselves… lol… so far, no men have stepped up and said “hey… I always have to worry about bathroom access…”

at my writer’s meeting the other day, we do updates on or progress, creativity, and whatnot… and one of my fellow writers also has MS… she is writing about her life with MS… so of course, her share time reminded me that ‘hey… I had some great fodder for her book’… after I blurted out that my latest MS-kick-in-the-pants (wet pants) was bladder weakness, she said “I’m the exact opposite… I feel like I am about to pee on myself, and then sit there for hours, not able to go…”

so I replied “I would be happy to trade you…” lol…

then at my cousin’s birthday get together (yep, I did say I shared my embarrassment anywhere and everywhere) I told some of our mutual friends about my leaky pipes, and one woman started nodding “I would work all day, with a bathroom right there, and never have to go… then on the way home it would hit me… some days I couldn’t even make it into the house… just stood in the driveway peeing all over myself…” she said…

I replied “sometimes I’m just like…” and here I looked down into my lap “well that just happened…”

and it is sooo true… my bladder has decided to stop alerting me to impending disaster… and if I forget to go to the restroom that one extra time (even if I went thirty minutes prior) I always wake up in trouble… one wrong move, one cough (oh don’t get me started on coughing and bladder issues) and flood gates open…

lol… later guys… I think I will run to the bathroom now… Tracey

Hmmmm I wonder???

Okay… the other day, I posted a few pic of famous peeps that have MS…. but that night, my body fell apart and stopped to wonder if I should have run the post… lol… okay, what I really wondered was where were their stories of breakdowns…

I want to read the stories that scream “Hey, they are just like me…” not another, just keep trying and reaching for your goals… I want the story about how they carry a change of clothes with them at all times in case bladder issues crop up… that would make sense to me…

what the heck brought this on, you ask??? lol… late night disaster… and it all started with a drink of diet coke… my favorite drink in the world… yep, I am addicted…

as happens from time to time, my lovely diet coke decided to go down my wind pipe and into the forbidden area of my lungs… not cool… but unlike usual, this time I couldn’t hack the stuff back up… and breathing was seriously becoming an issue… and if that wasn’t bad enough, I had to run for the restroom because the hacking had my abdominal muscles squeezing my bladder… ( and all of this from a sound sleep… I had woken up coughing, and taken a drink to sooth my throat… which soooo  didn’t work )

so a I make it safe and sound to the restroom, but no air ups the anti on my hacking, which lead to vomit… yep, you heard me… but at that point, the toilet was occupy so that my bladder did decide to go haywire… there was nothing for me to do, but to lean in the direction of the tub…. but I leaned a little too far…

needless to say, I ended up peeing in the floor after all my hard work … and to add insult to injury, I had already thrown up in the tub… the thing didn’t dirty was the toilet… it was as I cleaned the bathroom (thankfully able to finally breathe) to within an inch of its life, that I stopped to wonder where the news posts about these famous MS peeps were when they had to make a mad dash for the bathroom… because you know it has to happen… it is a horrible part of life…

the next day, I was feeling blue… and doubt and depression were filling my thoughts… “why continue writing, or painting, or going through the day to day motions???” … but then I opened my email and saw that I had a new review for my first novel…

By
This review is from: Shocking Finds: A Finder’s Keeper Novel (Paperback)
Judging by the author bio at the back of this book, Tracey Clark is obviously a very bubbly and charismatic personality, and this is evident in her writing style from the very beginning to the end of this entertaining Fantasy novel. Her storytelling technique immediately pulls the reader into her world of Fae who struggle to live in the everyday real world. This approach intrigued me right away because there was not too much out-of-this-world Fantasy to get familiar with, and the situation of the main character, Marin, not even knowing that she is a Fae Princess with tremendous powers also adds to the suspense and interest as the story unfolds.
Another prominent and positive feature of this book is that the author skilfully expresses thoughts and feelings from the two main characters: Marin and the man she is destined to be with, Kyland. In fact, this novel is also a beautiful, deep and intense love story, quite apart from the problems caused by Fae curses and helping Marin to understand and believe who she really is.
This book sets the scene for more books to come, and it is quite a lengthy book which took me some time to read, mainly because the writing style is engaging but also intense at times, so that you cannot skim through or skip anything. It is an involving read, but a very rewarding one for both Fantasy and Romance lovers alike, and I’ll be looking out for the sequel to this book!
It was a small thing, but reading this review helped pull me out of my way… I love getting these (and thankfully I have yet to get a bad review)… they are uplifting to me… and mean more to me than my readers will ever know… alrighty… that’s all for now… 😛 later MS peeps…

The new me…

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this is sooooo very true… no matter how upbeat I try to be, I still have moments of regret and mourning… I miss the girl that could do anything, that could and would jump first and ask questions later, that knew no fear and would try just because she was told it was impossible… I miss the way she saw the world, the way she yearned to climb higher and swim deeper…

although I know that that girl is still inside me, urging me to find a way, I now have to temper her where I used to let her run free… now we are forced to work with and around restrictions…

RESTRICTIONS… one of the ugliest words in the English language… while I have found ways to work on my art and my writing, it is the outside world that still needs a work-around or two… I know this post seems relatively down for me, but I blame the heat… it is as the temperature continues to cook my spinal cords and brain cells that I am forced to admit that MS is hard to accepts, to live with…

so now that I have vented, I plan to look for more ways to let the girl from Yesterday come out to play a little more… not really sure what that means, but surely there is a way…

she and I have been working on keychains for the RRBC Block party… there are still a few days left to win some prizes… in fact, my book site Finder’s Keepers Series will be one of the blogs on the 29th… with the winner picking between my bracelets, earrings, and the new keychains as their prize…

Blog Party 1

but that is all indoors fun… my lost half is itching to do something outdoors… maybe someday I will figure out a way to let her come out to play

Warm and Worn

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I don’t know about you guys, but I am soooooo ready for fall… I swear that the oxygen is beginning to evaporate because of this outrageous heat… omg…

I had to run out to the post office to mail out a prize for the RRBC Block Party and the heat was out of control… the car temp (which I truly hope was broken – on my 2016 car… almost a year old… ??? that’s long enough for things to start breaking… right???) well it told me that it was 101 degrees out… which is just wrong on soooooo many levels… but the prize wasn’t gonna mail itself… there was nothing to do but to drip my way to the counter… (omg – the sweat)

hopefully it will cool down out there by the time I’m forced to make that trip again… the heat has been zapping my energy and will to ??? well, to do anything ready… the amount of movement it takes to get out of bed already has me broken out in salty, dripping sweat… it is impossible to think straight when you are constantly cursing the salty tears burning your eyes…

but sopping wet and blood shot eyes, I managed to get my winner’s package sent… lol… which reminds me, if you guys want to win some goodies, the RRBC Back to School Block Party… every day this month there are chances to win prizes on the awesome blogs signed up to participate… bloggers, authors, and all manner of fun peeps… in fact, I did a stop on my author blog – Finder’s Keepers – Author Tracey Clark– on aug 5th, and will be doing another stop on aug 29th over on my book blog – Finders Keepers Series… woo who… come have some fun… and remember to head to RRBC to check the line up each day for new chances…

 Blog Party 1

Evil Confusion… Evil MS

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I want to growl, maybe even howl… there is definitely a scream or two building up at the inefficiency of my mind… okay… that might be a little harsh… but still very true…

I love writing… which is very surprising seeing as I deal with MS (confusion) and dyslexia every day, and especially during the hotter summer months… as the temperature rises, my MS symptoms make themselves known… misunderstandings and an inability to verbalize my thoughts is frequent… but after growing up with the confusion and the lack of articulation associated with dyslexia, these symptoms are nothing new…

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part of creating novels and short stories is research… something that I have always abhorred… but the added difficulties of living with MS has made evil research even worse… it’s hard to explain, but my brain sort of shuts down when faced with too much confusion… learning something new, or focusing on and answering questions creates a short circuit in my ability to stay awake… I simply pass out… it is maddening… and disheartening…

I want to create stories that can be enjoyed… stories with added tidbits of honest real world information to pull the reader in and allow them to visualize my words as if they were living the story…

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finding a balance that allows my mind to work at its own pace, and my creative side to put together works I consider worthy of publishing is hard… but in the end it is worth it… there is a pride and joy that overcomes me as my words become published works… it is a type of high, a high of accomplishment… (oh course, then I have to deal with writer’s depression… something that happens after the publishing phase is over and down with… but I deal with that by taking on art projects and starting on new writing projects… )

if the confusion of MS symptoms and dyslexia were too overwhelming (or not worth enduring) I never would have finished my first novel… now if I could just find a way to stay conscious during research, life would be a lot easier to navigate…

good luck with life, and good luck with you own MS symptoms during this overwhelmingly hot season… happy wordage, tracey

sign up for Finder’s Keepers Newsletter and receive updates on future works… 😛

Nudist Colony here I come…

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I’m meltinggggggg…….. I’m melting… when to the store with mom and she suddenly looks at me, head cocked to the side and asks “Your shirt is wet. Is that sweat under your breasts?”

“Why… yes, yes it is. and thank you for calling attention to the matter….” we were in the middle of Wal-Mart… looking at bras… lol… I felt like promising the sales attendant that I wouldn’t try anything on…

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(well… that pic could mean something completely different… but it was the closest one I could find to what I wanted… )

even if I did move to a nudist colony, I would still run around covered in sweat, my head swelling from the heat… I need shade, a strong breeze and as little clothing as is acceptable… I swear, this heat makes me want to be a man… then I could run around with flip-flops and shorts on, and nothing else… sure, some places demand a shirt and shoes before they will serve ya, but that is what wife beater tees are for…

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unless I can locate one in Antarctica…omg I am burning up… lol… I think I will start sitting on piles of ice throughout the day… in college (due to roommate fights and the heat in the room when someone left the heater on in summer) I would take ice cold bathes before bed, drop my body temperature low enough that I didn’t have time to overheat before I feel asleep… this weather has me eyeballing the tub and thinking about making a run to the store for a bag of ice…

and just think peeps, the worst is yet to come… lets all move north…

but inside with the AC I am cool enough to work on my books… just finished/published the second book in my Finder’s Keepers series… woo who… urban fantasy romance…

if you want book info sign up for my author Newsletter

and keep cool… I’m off for some ice chips and some edits…

watch me run…

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I ran… the wind blew, the sweat started to drip, my breathing accelerated, and still I ran… I became a bullet train of MS glory… muhahahaha

okay… that isn’t me… and my distance my seem trivial to some, but to all you MSers out there, when I say I managed to beat my time on the 25 foot walk, it will mean something… when I first got sick, 25ft felt like miles… a marathon of pain… and then I had to sit down… and that was after I had bounced off the walls as I wobbled down the hall… and my time… HA… a lot embarrassed me back then… now I share everything… bladder issues, jumbled words, or loss of basic abilities… but at the time I wanted to cry… I felt like I needed to push harder, like people (even my dr) would look at me and think “She isn’t even trying… there’s nothing wrong with her!!!”

back then my 7+ seconds time was humiliating… as I grow with my MS, and accept more limits, and strive for goals, I am better equipped to handle the ups and downs… but this one, folks, was definitely an up… 2 seconds… point-5 seconds faster than my last time…  and what fancy foot wear did I don in preparation for my big run???

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HA… no tennis shoes for this girl… I showed up for appointment with my comfy flip flops on my feet… but this 25ft walk (or in my case run) is serious business… lol… so I kicked them off… and my doc, well accustomed to my ways by now, told the little nurse in training to “back out of the way…. she really is gonna run” … lol… in my stance and off I went… it is the small accomplishments that help to balance out the crap… and that 25ft is now my favorite part of the neurologist’s office… that and my doc is funny… that is why I think she will totally appreciate my runners gear…

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I soooo need to find something like this… 😛 … day by day, highs and lows, I want everyone to keep shooting for those small moments… it can be anything… a good time on your 25ft walk, a day without headaches, making something that has been giving you trouble for years… each small moment gives hope … and, for me, usually a smile… because I am well aware that I am acting like a silly monger, but for once I am having fun with my MS… tracey