Tag Archives: exhausion

The new me…

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this is sooooo very true… no matter how upbeat I try to be, I still have moments of regret and mourning… I miss the girl that could do anything, that could and would jump first and ask questions later, that knew no fear and would try just because she was told it was impossible… I miss the way she saw the world, the way she yearned to climb higher and swim deeper…

although I know that that girl is still inside me, urging me to find a way, I now have to temper her where I used to let her run free… now we are forced to work with and around restrictions…

RESTRICTIONS… one of the ugliest words in the English language… while I have found ways to work on my art and my writing, it is the outside world that still needs a work-around or two… I know this post seems relatively down for me, but I blame the heat… it is as the temperature continues to cook my spinal cords and brain cells that I am forced to admit that MS is hard to accepts, to live with…

so now that I have vented, I plan to look for more ways to let the girl from Yesterday come out to play a little more… not really sure what that means, but surely there is a way…

she and I have been working on keychains for the RRBC Block party… there are still a few days left to win some prizes… in fact, my book site Finder’s Keepers Series will be one of the blogs on the 29th… with the winner picking between my bracelets, earrings, and the new keychains as their prize…

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but that is all indoors fun… my lost half is itching to do something outdoors… maybe someday I will figure out a way to let her come out to play

Warm and Worn

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I don’t know about you guys, but I am soooooo ready for fall… I swear that the oxygen is beginning to evaporate because of this outrageous heat… omg…

I had to run out to the post office to mail out a prize for the RRBC Block Party and the heat was out of control… the car temp (which I truly hope was broken – on my 2016 car… almost a year old… ??? that’s long enough for things to start breaking… right???) well it told me that it was 101 degrees out… which is just wrong on soooooo many levels… but the prize wasn’t gonna mail itself… there was nothing to do but to drip my way to the counter… (omg – the sweat)

hopefully it will cool down out there by the time I’m forced to make that trip again… the heat has been zapping my energy and will to ??? well, to do anything ready… the amount of movement it takes to get out of bed already has me broken out in salty, dripping sweat… it is impossible to think straight when you are constantly cursing the salty tears burning your eyes…

but sopping wet and blood shot eyes, I managed to get my winner’s package sent… lol… which reminds me, if you guys want to win some goodies, the RRBC Back to School Block Party… every day this month there are chances to win prizes on the awesome blogs signed up to participate… bloggers, authors, and all manner of fun peeps… in fact, I did a stop on my author blog – Finder’s Keepers – Author Tracey Clark– on aug 5th, and will be doing another stop on aug 29th over on my book blog – Finders Keepers Series… woo who… come have some fun… and remember to head to RRBC to check the line up each day for new chances…

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Keep it Down… Shhh

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I complain about my sleeping issues all the time… to myself, to my dogs and mother… to you guys… it can be maddening… first you deal with the heat and headaches keeping you up at night… and if you’re like me, you end up exhausted after days of little to no sleep… lol… the easiest way for me to get to sleep is to do some research for one of my books… then, heat or no heat, my brain just shuts off… not sure if that counts as sleep or not, but after days of wide-eyed confusion, a girl has to do what a girl has to do…

but my lack of sleep has roots in more than just pain or heat… thinking can keep me up more thoroughly than any pain… it is something that started soon after my diagnosis… or maybe it started getting worse… I’m not sure… but my mind is always on this constant loop of plans, story ideas, sadness (if something happens or I watch a tear jerker), etc… really anything and everything keeps my the hamster wheel I call my thoughts to continuously spin… the one thing I have found that helps is to pop in a movie or tv DVD that I have watched a million times… the sound of something that I practically know by heart helps me sleep… if I have something on that I’ve never seen before, my mind wants to know more… insane, but even a B-rated horror flick would have my eyes popping back open so that I could see what happened next…

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anyone that has watched the first Underworld will (maybe) know what scene I’m talking about when I say that turn on the movie and as soon as the huge (and man, that guy has to be like 7 ft of pure muscle) black man that plays one of the werewolves, screams out ‘bloods’ in his deep bass, then starts shooting in the underground train station, I would start to drift to sleep… lol… for the first three years after my diagnosis, I drifted off to that base growl… poor mom… back then, she was so afraid of losing me that she sleep in the same room…

the room wasn’t really that big, so it wasn’t like she could put her bed far enough away that two hours of vampires, werewolves and gunfire on a loop didn’t keep her awake… but it was either that or I never slept…

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my second fave for a good night’s sleep was Hellboy… still very loud… but maybe a little less gun play… I think it was the sound of rapid fire explosions that quieted my mind, because Underworld was always better at putting me to sleep… but hey, a girl needed a change every once in a while… 😛

these days, it is helpful to put in a tv season that I have watched a million times… but lately, I have been thinking of going back to Underworld… sleeping in the tub is always easy, but I am getting prune lines… later guys… happy wordage…

Evil Confusion… Evil MS

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I want to growl, maybe even howl… there is definitely a scream or two building up at the inefficiency of my mind… okay… that might be a little harsh… but still very true…

I love writing… which is very surprising seeing as I deal with MS (confusion) and dyslexia every day, and especially during the hotter summer months… as the temperature rises, my MS symptoms make themselves known… misunderstandings and an inability to verbalize my thoughts is frequent… but after growing up with the confusion and the lack of articulation associated with dyslexia, these symptoms are nothing new…

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part of creating novels and short stories is research… something that I have always abhorred… but the added difficulties of living with MS has made evil research even worse… it’s hard to explain, but my brain sort of shuts down when faced with too much confusion… learning something new, or focusing on and answering questions creates a short circuit in my ability to stay awake… I simply pass out… it is maddening… and disheartening…

I want to create stories that can be enjoyed… stories with added tidbits of honest real world information to pull the reader in and allow them to visualize my words as if they were living the story…

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finding a balance that allows my mind to work at its own pace, and my creative side to put together works I consider worthy of publishing is hard… but in the end it is worth it… there is a pride and joy that overcomes me as my words become published works… it is a type of high, a high of accomplishment… (oh course, then I have to deal with writer’s depression… something that happens after the publishing phase is over and down with… but I deal with that by taking on art projects and starting on new writing projects… )

if the confusion of MS symptoms and dyslexia were too overwhelming (or not worth enduring) I never would have finished my first novel… now if I could just find a way to stay conscious during research, life would be a lot easier to navigate…

good luck with life, and good luck with you own MS symptoms during this overwhelmingly hot season… happy wordage, tracey

sign up for Finder’s Keepers Newsletter and receive updates on future works… 😛

OMG … my head

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lol… I know what my brain is telling me… it is screaming that I have MS and need to slow down… the month of may has been way to full of activity… I know that I need to avoid stress and heat, and listen to my body… but sometimes all I hear is ‘blah, blah, blah…’

I hate the feeling of being hampered by my MS, but that is the way of it… grrr…

okay, now that the growling is out of the way, I have to think of ways to work with my MS… my hardest obstical is Sleep… I toss and turn, sleep in the tub, and wake up exhausted… when I sleep in the bed, I roll in circles and end up tossing my pillows all over the place.. sometimes my head ends up where my feet should be… and falling asleep in the first place is a real back in the arse…

but my heads main problem is Smell… I took mom to get a perm earlier this month, and ended up sitting outside to avoid the smells… man… it had to be the strongest solution ever created for a perm… and then we rested up for a mother/daughter church dinner with granny-2…  I guess my brain/smeller was already in hyper-drive… as soon as we walked into the reception/fellowship area my nose was assaulted by the smell of freshly cut onions… my eyes began to water and my head to ache… omg… and the dang onions were at the other end of the room…

sooo… I had a few headaches this month, but I got a lot done… finished camp nano with 70,000+ words (one and half novels in rough draft form), worked on a new art project, and checked out Lake Cumberland with mom… a little pain, but all in all, I have had some great moments this month…

happy wordage, tracey

watch me run…

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I ran… the wind blew, the sweat started to drip, my breathing accelerated, and still I ran… I became a bullet train of MS glory… muhahahaha

okay… that isn’t me… and my distance my seem trivial to some, but to all you MSers out there, when I say I managed to beat my time on the 25 foot walk, it will mean something… when I first got sick, 25ft felt like miles… a marathon of pain… and then I had to sit down… and that was after I had bounced off the walls as I wobbled down the hall… and my time… HA… a lot embarrassed me back then… now I share everything… bladder issues, jumbled words, or loss of basic abilities… but at the time I wanted to cry… I felt like I needed to push harder, like people (even my dr) would look at me and think “She isn’t even trying… there’s nothing wrong with her!!!”

back then my 7+ seconds time was humiliating… as I grow with my MS, and accept more limits, and strive for goals, I am better equipped to handle the ups and downs… but this one, folks, was definitely an up… 2 seconds… point-5 seconds faster than my last time…  and what fancy foot wear did I don in preparation for my big run???

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HA… no tennis shoes for this girl… I showed up for appointment with my comfy flip flops on my feet… but this 25ft walk (or in my case run) is serious business… lol… so I kicked them off… and my doc, well accustomed to my ways by now, told the little nurse in training to “back out of the way…. she really is gonna run” … lol… in my stance and off I went… it is the small accomplishments that help to balance out the crap… and that 25ft is now my favorite part of the neurologist’s office… that and my doc is funny… that is why I think she will totally appreciate my runners gear…

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I soooo need to find something like this… 😛 … day by day, highs and lows, I want everyone to keep shooting for those small moments… it can be anything… a good time on your 25ft walk, a day without headaches, making something that has been giving you trouble for years… each small moment gives hope … and, for me, usually a smile… because I am well aware that I am acting like a silly monger, but for once I am having fun with my MS… tracey

 

mommy killer!!!

 

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alrighty… before I get to my MS virtual Walk post, I had to share this… this was one of the many reason that I have come to believe that Disney is a mother-hater… lol… I cried more watching their movies as a child than in day to day life… they were always killing mom or locking her up… I would cry and tell mom that they needed their mommy… but his part really hit me hard for some reason… dumbo could only touch his mommy in this small way… even now, it tears me up… (I blame the MS) damn you Disney… now I need tissues…

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I am gonna pretend that I didn’t just tear up over a Disney GIF… muahahaha

Battling MS truly is a super power… and don’t forget it… even Dr. Seuss knows that MS can suck…but each and every day, we face MS and come out on top…we get back up, we smile through the pain, we clear our throats and give that sentence another try… and when we just need to take a day off, it doesn’t mean the MS has won… no way, dude… we just need a moment to get our second/third/forth wind…

facing each day with a positive outlook isn’t always possible, but as long as you give it a try, you have tomorrow to give it another go… that’s what I try to remember, when I am feeling beaten… ‘I wasn’t able to do it today, but tomorrow I can try again’…

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

How dark is your world?

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I try to add an upbeat note to most of my MS posts… but this is a feeling that we all have… it is hard to look around at what we are missing out on, and not feel a little blue… and no one can look on the brighter side all the time… by now, I had planned to have a good job, a kid or two, and be taking care of my mother… it would have been nice to be in a steady relationship as well, but I never was very good at dating, so I planned to just get employed and buy some sperm, and let the rest fall however it would…

but the other day, I wanted to cry… I immediately explained how I was feeling to my mother, because if you don’t voice your feelings they can bury down deep and start to eat you alive… but we were talking about where we would move, and I realized that the things we wanted out of a new home were vastly different, and would never mesh… and that ultimately, all I could do was to make suggestions…

but by this point in my life, I had planned to have the money to have a wonderful home (while asking mom suggestions)

now don’t get me wrong… mom bends over backwards to make me happy, which she doesn’t have to do… it was the thought that I will never (barring a miracle) be one hundred percent in charge of my life…

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But I am still able to write my novels… and maybe one day, they will make enough to give me some measure of independence… my cousin is having a baby… and I will be able to spoil that child, and any future children, and show them all the love I would have giving a child of my own… and finally, mom is willing to move… and I will look at that as the adventure it will be… she is even willing to travel around on walk-about (that’s when we drive from state to state, stopping when we see something of interest)…

these are all wonderful things…. when MS blues come knocking on your door, you need to find one or two things that brighten your world… when the bad makes itself known, you have to remember/find something to take away the sting…

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

Starting Fires…

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When someone asks me to explain Multiple Sclerosis to them, I say it is like holes are being burned into your brain… Owwwww… but that is basically what it is like… an electrical fire…

information gets passed from neuron to neuron, sending little electrical surges to get the info from point A to point B… then somewhere along the way, something goes wrong… because of MS, the electrical surges that a healthy brain can use and process builds/hits a wall/spikes…

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On a MRI, these spikes show up as white areas… AKA: electrical fires… or lesions… and when these fires burn out, they leave a black spot… basically a black hole… so when I say that I have holes in my head, I mean that literally…

March is MS Month… reach out to everyone you know, and lets raise money to find a cure, to put out the fires… donate on my national MS page, or start your own… and enjoy each day…

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

Testing out the waters…

 

8d11544e96509eff0e5d8f1ba47aed5fI want to be confident and sure… but there is that little bit of doubt in the back of my mind, telling me that no matter what I do, no matter how many people tell me they enjoy my stories, and no matter how often the urge to continue putting my words on paper hits me, I am doing the wrong thing… it may be the dreaded writer’s doubt/depression, but I also have to contend with the MS blues… no one can keep a smile on their face 24/7… but what I really think it is, is fear… FEAR…

What if I go to a book signing and freeze up??? What if no one buys my books??? What if I do it wrong, or say the wrong thing???

Damn shyness… I hate being shy… I know that once I get to know someone, I come alive… but at a book signing I will be floundering for purchase… if I have someone I know with me (Assistant), at least I will feel comfortable with them, but the purpose of a book signing is to interact with reader… AKA: Strangers… Gulp… Forget freezing up, I just hope I don’t throw up… And if I can manage to open my mouth, I know there will be some books bought… every month, people are picking up copies of Shocking Finds in eBook (kindle), but I don’t see those people… I don’t speak with them face to face…

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Amazon

(check out my book website for other buy links for stores other than Amazon)

I have signed up to be a part of three book signings this year… it will be my first year participating in the frightening process… yep… you readers out there scare the hell out of me… lol

But forget about doubt and fear, forget about shyness… What if my MS acts up, and I embarrass myself in front of all those people that I want to be entertained by my work??? What if I have an exacerbation and start bawling in the middle of one of the crowded rooms??? What if I sweat so much that I look like a drowned rat and no one wants to come near me, and therefore no one buys my books??? What if —

What if I miss this opportunity???

There will always be doubt, fear and shyness… and MS will always be a part of my day to day life… and there are a lot of questions that I will only be able to answer once I have survived the trials… The one thing I know for sure… I refuse to miss an opportunity no matter what I have to face… Therefore, I plan to be that girl sweating profusely, face red in embarrassment, and stumbling over her words at three signing events, if not more…

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Wild in West Virginia

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Imaginarium Convention

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Rebels and Readers Author Event

That’s one event in hot weather, and two in relatively cool/cold weather… that should give me a feel for what I will be up against… and yes, this is war… lol… me against my MS and shyness… but if I managed to do solos in high school, I know that I can do this… when we love doing something in private, showing the results to the world can be difficult… but then, nothing worth doing is ever easy… 😛 or so I will continue to tell myself… Happy wordage everyone

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

 

#WeAreStrongerThanMS

Finding My Words

The National Multiple Sclerosis Society has been sending out encouraging emails containing stories of strength… and it is strength to feel as if something you love has been taken from you… to feel lost, but to find ways to continue on…

I have always been a creative person, with half my mind taken up with artistic ideas… but in 2005 I felt as if MS had taken all that away… no more oil paints, or stories full of my wonderful words; no more charcoal sketches or cake decorations… without warning, my mind and body was hit with exacerbation after exacerbation… without the progression and symptoms that are common leading up to a diagnosis of MS, my doctors were scrambling to find a reason for my loss of vision, my inability to walk, my childlike confusion and forgetfulness, arms with minds of their own as they twitched and slammed my hands into everything in sight, etc… basically all things MS related, but instead of a growing list of symptoms, it seemed that everything was going wrong at the same time… within weeks, I was going down hill fast…

thankfully, a multitude of physicians came to give their opinions as they ran tests and viewed results, knowing that as a college student I had not insurance… I am very grateful to them all… it was a rapid decent, but they managed to get my lesions under control…

with the support of my mother, I relearned how to walk, talk, read, write, etc… but in the beginning, the only thing I had to entertain myself in world full of unrelenting boredom (reading confused and hurt my head, watching tv caused headaches, walking was difficult and painful, etc…) was my imagination… I made up stories to pass the time…

but what good were stories, when I couldn’t write them down, I couldn’t edit my words or construct a full sentences … with my mother’s help I grew from that childish mindset… she would sit for hours, doing art project… simple and easy projects like superglue and material to make a cork board pretty, beads and string to make jewelry, or even hand held games for younger kids… each idea she came up with helped me to work on my thought processes, and my hand eye coordination… slowly I was able to jot down notes, so I could remember where my story was going, I could record ideas (in short sentences), and when my head started to hurt, I could speak into my phone so that the speech-to-text option would write down my thoughts…

I still use the speech-to-text, but I also flip back and forth between writing long hand and typing… I have an awesome wrist brace so that MS joint pain doesn’t slow me down, and I know how to manage my projects… it is all about balance… just because I cannot type out my story doesn’t mean that I cannot get my words into the computer… using my cell phone, I can use the speech-to-text button and suddenly my phone is a voice recorder (only better) and then I can email my current chapter to myself… after some copy and pasting, my chapter has been added to my computer files…

when you have MS, it is important to find little work-arounds so that you don’t miss the things that mean the most to you… with help and determination, I was able to finally get my novel Shocking Finds published… and I have two others out to an indie publisher at Gone Writing Publishing to be considered as well…

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I never thought I would be able to think straight again, let alone complete a 110,000 word paranormal/fantasy romance novel… but no matter how long it took – and it was a good five years before I started feeling like a person again, and another three before I could edit my own work – I feel satisfaction and pride in myself each time someone tells me how much they enjoyed my book… MS was a horrible bump in the road for me, but I truly feel that becoming ill helped me to find my passion in life…

Happy wordage everyone… and never give up hope

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

 

Help change the World of MS…

I love this GIF, and felt like posting it a second time… but this post is about an upcoming MS event… Walk MS… you can find both Walk MS and Bike MS events in your area by following the links at the bottom of the post… We have five weeks and two days until the day of the Walk for my area… I will be upping my MS posts until in the meantime… sharing my own MS insanity…

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Starting Monday, March 7th, Fundraising week begins… From Bike MS to Walk MS, there are dozens of ways to show your support… there is even something called Challenge Walk MS… Last year I participated in Walk MS, I even attempted to join in the mile walk around the park… Hmmmmm… that didn’t go so well for me… last year, my walking abilities weren’t as on par as they are this year and I ended up running out of steam less than half way through… it wasn’t pretty… I had to cut through the park, there were tears and embarrassment, but once I calmed down and had a chat with my momma, I enjoyed cheering everyone else on as sat in the shade sweating as if I had just finished a triathlon…

This year the Walk in my area will be across the bridge in neighboring WV… I managed to attempt participating last year because it was downtown at the park… I doubt I will make it this year, but I wanted to give a shout out to everyone giving and participating in this cause…  I also want to participate as a virtual walker…

I have said that MS helped me to find my passion in life, but without the drugs, doctors, and therapies for this disease, MS would have taken my life long ago… it is the support and volunteers that make continued research and development possible… I am grateful to everyone giving their time, donations, or just their kind words… it is because of you that I will get to continue writing and living a life I never envisioned, but that I find small joys in every day… when it comes down to it, it isn’t the big events in life that matter… it is the small moments that mean the most…

If you want to give or join up at your local Walk/Bike MS (and did I mention that Shemar Moore joined in Bike MS last year… yummy… I mean thanks for calling attention to this cause) just …

CLICK HERE to head over to my donation page for this years walk

CLICK HERE to learn more about Walk MS…

CLICK HERE to learn more about Bike MS…

Thank you to everyone taking a moment to learn/give to this cause… and happy wordage everyone…. Tracey Clark

MS Peeps Join Forces

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I found this on Pinterest… and it reminded me of my life… or of what I want my life to be… I want to make something out of the impossible… Multiple Sclerosis hits each and every person differently… sure there are a lot of similarities, but the extent and the angle of attack seems to always be different…

when I first got sick, I was reduced to the mindset of a toddler… ten years later, I feel as if I have rebuilt myself… I still have a ways to go, but the very fact that I was able to write and complete a novel, that I have a number of others in the works??? this amazes me… and I am grateful… I don’t want anyone to think that my complaints diminish the triumphs I have had…

sure… I still have trouble with Q&A, and with understanding and retaining the research necessary in the writing world… a dozen questions that require me to follow and understand enough to give a cogent answer??? that is a situation that still cause me to become upset as become confused and start to stutter, and then there are the headaches that pop up if I push myself to far…

and the eye crossing research??? an hour of attempting to look up and understand the information on my computer screen also puts me to sleep… when I need to edit or look up some facts, I spend an hour surfing the web, and then I am out like a light for three – five hours… I don’t have a choice… which drives me crazy… why in the world would my body drop off to sleep (aka coma) when most nights I have trouble getting my mind to shut down… I mean, its crazy… I drop off as if I have been drugged… but after a few days of narcolepsy, I and finished, and can rest up for the fun stuff…

it sounds crazy that I need to rest up, but a few days of trying to understand and jot down information feels like my mind has run a 20k… it is down right exhausting… and I feel the weakness in my entire body… thank heavens, when it comes to just making stuff up, my mind works a lot better… too bad I can’t just write my rough drafts and let someone else do the research and edits… (for free of course, since writers are the poorest of poor people…)

on a happy note, I went back to the local writers group… think AA for work-aholics… and there is a new member… and another lover of words that suffers from MS… together we can put our deteriorating brains together and rule the world… muahahahahahaha

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Let’s Go Swimming

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Swimming has always been a therapeutic thing for me… but ever since I got sick, I have found that a warm bath will put me right to sleep… I swear, ten minutes in a nice warm tub and I am fast asleep… when I can’t sleep, I get in the tub and the next thing I know, it is ten in the morning… I spend hours in the watery bed… I prefer to call it swimming… lol… I don’t know if water does it for other Multiple Sclerosis patients, but for me it is my number one relaxation…

there are nights when my brain just won’t turn off… story ideas run through my mind, running loops through my internal hamster wheel… the only way to turn off the voices is to soak them out… lol… now, I hate edits, but I love to make up new stories… new ways for my characters to grow… right now, that is my Skymann family… I just got done running through some edits for the first book in the series, and off to the beta reader it flew… but that means there is room for the voices to start throwing out more ideas, more stories and characters…

But its about more than relaxing and brainstorming… the warmth of the tub has been my only escape from the pain in my legs and back when nothing else will work… miss firing electrons??? that’s what my doctors all say… I even went to a pain doctor, but she flat out said she didn’t like to treat MS patients because they can never get better… WTH??? So I will continue to soak and think, until the MS doctors realize that there are different types of pain for an MS patient, and only the patient can know what will and won’t work… (at least this is the way I see it for me)

there are the headaches that no amount of pain pill will help, though a vasodilator will relieve… (a pill that my doctors have chosen to stop prescribing, that god my headaches have become few and far between)… number two would be the joints and muscle pains… which I have found are better dealt with in a warm tub… it is a type of pain that reminds me of having the flu… everything aches… a warm bath helps…

and finally, there is the leg and back pain that makes me want to amputate something… it is a step above and beyond flu aches… it is an evil that refuses to go away… and something that has me spending eight hours in the bathtub… it is a pain that robs me of more sleep than any other internal voice could hope of stealing… and it is a pain that I know from experience responds to pain pills, but what do I know… its just my body…

flaming hair!!!

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My mother is a topic that I will bring up over and over… she is great… but my favorite stories are when she or I have done something hilarious… like the time she caught her hair on fire… what??? you don’t see how this can be funny… HA… I disagree…

she is my support system…. and always willing to go out and try the things on my MS wish list… one of which was a dinner theater… I had a great time, and purchased a number of dragon items… there were men on horseback and excellent food… not to mention the pina coladas … ymmmm

but by the end of the show both of our backs were killing us… mom has had a number of back surgeries and I???? MS strikes again… but she stuck it out so that I could experience my first dinner theater… on the way out, I wandered around looking at all the dragon art… *we had just been to dragoncon and they were in my head*

eventually mom needed to sit down, so I made myself pick between two of my favorite pieces… and then we went outside to wait for the cab (the car died by that is another story)

while we were waiting, I decided to run back in and get the other dragon piece… and left mom holding my cigarette … and her own… so I didn’t see what happened, but the retelling of it had me in stitches…

mom said she was holding the two cigs in one hand, while she bent forward to dig in her purse with the other… a shy looking Chinese woman pecked on her shoulder and said something that mom couldn’t understand… tired and hurting, mom said uh-huh, and went back to digging in her purse…

this is the point where a man from the group of about a dozen Chinese people came up and said ‘your hair on fire’… and they all burst into laughter … mom said she could hear them giggling all the way to their cars… lol…

she had held the cigs too close to her head while bending to get in her purse… see… smoking is dangerous…

 

 

 

 

PT is over

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Sooo… I didn’t really feel like PT was helping with my back pain anymore than it did the last time, but that  isn’t the reason that my PT came to an end… apparently SSI/Medicare only pays for six sessions and then you have to have the doctor ask for more time… But the PT guys said that they could also give me some exercises to do at home and a free month at the clinic (basically some exercise machines and a track)

I of course told him that I would take the home exercises because “this getting up at two in the afternoon is killing me” lol… and I am not even kidding… my sleep has been all over the place… to make matters worse, it is hard to sleep when your body is screaming at you (which mind likes to do after PT) and once I did fall asleep, getting back up is a pain… like pulling myself out of a coma… grr….

anywho… no more PT… more time to do Edits for book two… which I have decided to do at night, no matter how much I accomplish during the day, because it knocks me out…

okay, off to the land of edits… and probably a forced nap… happy wordage, tracey

it must be love

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lol… this is soooo true… I have said repeatedly that I am editing the second book of my Finder’s Keepers series…. what I may have failed to mention is how… but hey… I probably feel asleep… confused yet???

well this is the long and short of it… I wake up, wait for my mind and body to come back online, and then eat or wash my face… then it is time to edit… always with the dang edits… but the part I left out?? after an hour or so (sometimes less) my eyes get heavy and my dang MS lesion filled mind says “what the heck are you doing? more importantly why is it taking so long? WE’RE TIRED” and then my eyes close weather I want them to or not… yep… like I am competing with a narcoleptic I pass out…

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then it starts all over again… I have to wake back up and wait for my body and mind to get with the program… this morning alone, I when through this process three times…

this tells me that I must love this novel, and the world it brings to life… and that I want to share my stories with the world, because believe you me, it is a heck of a lot easier to write the story than it is to edit it… I could make stuff up til the cows come home no problem, and no passing out… but processing information when I edit or research and boy or boy, I am in for a million naps…

I truly hope that Twin Findings: Book Two, Finder’s Keepers is completely ready soon… so that I can share it with y’all… and yes that is the title I have settled on… Twin Findings…

cross your fingers and wish me luck… happy wordage, Tracey