I want to be confident and sure… but there is that little bit of doubt in the back of my mind, telling me that no matter what I do, no matter how many people tell me they enjoy my stories, and no matter how often the urge to continue putting my words on paper hits me, I am doing the wrong thing… it may be the dreaded writer’s doubt/depression, but I also have to contend with the MS blues… no one can keep a smile on their face 24/7… but what I really think it is, is fear… FEAR…
What if I go to a book signing and freeze up??? What if no one buys my books??? What if I do it wrong, or say the wrong thing???
Damn shyness… I hate being shy… I know that once I get to know someone, I come alive… but at a book signing I will be floundering for purchase… if I have someone I know with me (Assistant), at least I will feel comfortable with them, but the purpose of a book signing is to interact with reader… AKA: Strangers… Gulp… Forget freezing up, I just hope I don’t throw up… And if I can manage to open my mouth, I know there will be some books bought… every month, people are picking up copies of Shocking Finds in eBook (kindle), but I don’t see those people… I don’t speak with them face to face…
(check out my book website for other buy links for stores other than Amazon)
I have signed up to be a part of three book signings this year… it will be my first year participating in the frightening process… yep… you readers out there scare the hell out of me… lol
But forget about doubt and fear, forget about shyness… What if my MS acts up, and I embarrass myself in front of all those people that I want to be entertained by my work??? What if I have an exacerbation and start bawling in the middle of one of the crowded rooms??? What if I sweat so much that I look like a drowned rat and no one wants to come near me, and therefore no one buys my books??? What if —
What if I miss this opportunity???
There will always be doubt, fear and shyness… and MS will always be a part of my day to day life… and there are a lot of questions that I will only be able to answer once I have survived the trials… The one thing I know for sure… I refuse to miss an opportunity no matter what I have to face… Therefore, I plan to be that girl sweating profusely, face red in embarrassment, and stumbling over her words at three signing events, if not more…
That’s one event in hot weather, and two in relatively cool/cold weather… that should give me a feel for what I will be up against… and yes, this is war… lol… me against my MS and shyness… but if I managed to do solos in high school, I know that I can do this… when we love doing something in private, showing the results to the world can be difficult… but then, nothing worth doing is ever easy… 😛 or so I will continue to tell myself… Happy wordage everyone
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