Tag Archives: fear

Fear Me…

Okay… I came across this poster on Pinterest just had to share… it is essential to know and accept that MS patients deal with fear and anxiety on a daily basis…

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I already do “Sharing Fear” and “Coping with Anxiety List”… except for writing down my anxiety, but I may subconsciously give the characters in my novels and short stories some of my anxieties and fears…

I have noticed that one of my sub-characters has a problem with hot weather, and a main character has shyness and wallflower behavior to rival my own… lol… but with my stories I can find ways for them to move past these issues…

with sharing my fears, voicing them out loud, I feel a weight disappearing… just by saying it out loud I realize that my fears aren’t as impossible as I thought… they aren’t as big and all consuming as they appeared… and usually, I have my mother to tell me that everything will be okay… and even if she doesn’t have an answer that will actually fix my fears, she has a suggestion that cheers me up…

as for the coping with anxiety list, I already said that I don’t do a regular list of fear/anxiety and that I share my fears when the hit… as for the rest of the list…

My mother is always there for a quick hug when I need one, and I am all about relaxing bath time… in fact I spend more time in the tub than I do out… at least that is how it feels… when I can’t sleep or my anxiety is getting the better of me, or even if I have some pain that refuses to go away, I head for the bathroom and shout out ‘I’m going swimming’… some hot water and low lights, and I am off to sleepy time…

A calming breath is always helpful, and diverting activities are at the top of my list of coping mechanisms… usually I use one of my favorite movies/shows to zone out… my mind already knows all my favorite parts of the show and tunes itself to the familiar scenes and actions… working on an art project also helps to balance out my mind… and man do I love art projects… especial if it is something new that I have never tried before…

and finally, Avoidance… I know what will cause me to be angry, anxious, sad, etc… and avoiding news, shows, people, events, and all the other disruptive activities that I know will affect my mental state is part of life now that I have MS… I don’t usual say why I am avoiding something, and that is wrong… I should just come out and tell those around me that I need to disengage from the situation so that my mental state isn’t adversely affected… I mean, if you know that going to a party with ‘uncle Dick’ or ‘friendly Ratchet’ will cause your temper to flare or your tears to flow, then walk away… when I can walk away, I avoid the situation like the plague…

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Who turned off the lights???

The high dive, the bungee swing at Kings Island, zip-lining between two mountain peaks, or even sitting on the edge of a cliff… (okay, I was a little bit of a dare devil in my youth) but climb it, jump it, swim across it activities never frightened me… my mother probably had a few stoke moments, but I love the feeling of freefalling, the moment when it is over and you can look around and go ‘huh… I did that…’ like I said, not the smartest decision maker… lol… but man was it fun…

and not one of those moments had me pausing, wondering if I should back out, fearing the worst… I even decided to swim across Grayson Lake, just to see if I could… I knew that I could float all day if I had to (seriously people, I bob around like a dang raft..) It wasn’t until I got home, told mom and watched her face turn white that realized maybe I should have thought things through a little more… like swimming parallel to rocky shoreline so that I didn’t have to worry about boat running me over…

I do have a problem with the thought of sharks and I absolute detest the beach (I mean, who really wants deal with sand that has a mind of its own and will crawl into every crack and crevasse??? that’s just wrong… but still I go out into the water (I run back when things start touching me, but the fear isn’t enough to stop me)

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But when I started losing my sight, with dark clouds building around the edges, because of MS… I broke down… I was already having issues because my case was fast and out of nowhere and it affected my personality… I acted like a toddler, with out of control emotions and absolute trust that the adults would fix things…but something (and I’m not sure what… something said or maybe a random thought) scared the life out of me…

It may have been the eye exam they took me to while I was in the hospital… (that was a horrible experience but too long for right now) anyhow, one thing got stuck in my head and wouldn’t let go… ‘I wouldn’t be able to read the last Harry Potter’ sounds silly, but at that moment, that was devastating… I bawled like my life was over…

thankfully, my sight came back… but even if it hadn’t, my mother (my rock) was there… she told me not to worry… if I couldn’t read, she would read it to me… with MS, you never know when things may change (for good or bad) but I hope everyone finds their person, their rock, the one that can take your devastation and make everything bearable…

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE