Tag Archives: health

That pill does what?

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So… a while ago, I complained about peeing on myself. Oh course, I blamed it on the MS. I had heard about that little surprise, and assumed that it was just another MS downer. But that didn’t mean that I remained silent and accepted it as my lot in life. Nope.

I complained to my doctors, I shared my whoos with friends, family, and you all. I am real big on sharing what you feel ashamed of, embarrassed of. It is amazing the amount of support you get, how all the shame lifts, and the number of people willing to then share their own similar stories.

Doctors on the other hand, they were a big let down. I got tired of feeling ignored when I said, “I have been peeing on myself. And I’m not talking about ‘whoops, there went a dribble’, nooooooo…. I am talking great big water falls”…. but nothing. But then my cousin (a PA, Doctor’s Assistant) was running through all the things that she knew that could cause my latest problem, and one of the things I could double check myself was meds.

I realized that my peeing issue had begun after I started taking a sleeping pill (doctor prescribed), and I immediately stopped taking the pill (TraZODone). Within the week I no longer had to jump on a pillow, a blanket… anything washable really… so that I could was out the urine without pulling up the floor. And when I had a visit with the doctor that prescribed the evil pill, and I explained all this to him, what did he say???

“Oh, yeah… that happens sometimes!”

What the hell… sooo…. beware my peeps… if you are having issues, check your meds… don’t just accept your fate, check the side affects on your meds. I don’t know about you guys but I would rather lose sleep than soak my bed.

Now I am back to editing my next novel.

check out my latest novel, Twin Findings – Finder’s Keepers, book 3

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Hello bladder issues…

Well, another day in the life of MS…. now my bladder has decided to become a silent assassin… yep… that is what I have… the organ is killing me, and doing it by sneaking up on me (usually when I first wake up, but hey, all hours of the day are fair game) and leaking by either dribbles or gallons…

and being me, I decided to tell anyone and everyone… why??? because it is embarrassing as all get out… and I have found that repeatedly sharing your horror & embarrassment helps to lessen that feeling, and the need to hide…

and it turns out, a lot of women pee on themselves… lol… so far, no men have stepped up and said “hey… I always have to worry about bathroom access…”

at my writer’s meeting the other day, we do updates on or progress, creativity, and whatnot… and one of my fellow writers also has MS… she is writing about her life with MS… so of course, her share time reminded me that ‘hey… I had some great fodder for her book’… after I blurted out that my latest MS-kick-in-the-pants (wet pants) was bladder weakness, she said “I’m the exact opposite… I feel like I am about to pee on myself, and then sit there for hours, not able to go…”

so I replied “I would be happy to trade you…” lol…

then at my cousin’s birthday get together (yep, I did say I shared my embarrassment anywhere and everywhere) I told some of our mutual friends about my leaky pipes, and one woman started nodding “I would work all day, with a bathroom right there, and never have to go… then on the way home it would hit me… some days I couldn’t even make it into the house… just stood in the driveway peeing all over myself…” she said…

I replied “sometimes I’m just like…” and here I looked down into my lap “well that just happened…”

and it is sooo true… my bladder has decided to stop alerting me to impending disaster… and if I forget to go to the restroom that one extra time (even if I went thirty minutes prior) I always wake up in trouble… one wrong move, one cough (oh don’t get me started on coughing and bladder issues) and flood gates open…

lol… later guys… I think I will run to the bathroom now… Tracey

Hmmmm I wonder???

Okay… the other day, I posted a few pic of famous peeps that have MS…. but that night, my body fell apart and stopped to wonder if I should have run the post… lol… okay, what I really wondered was where were their stories of breakdowns…

I want to read the stories that scream “Hey, they are just like me…” not another, just keep trying and reaching for your goals… I want the story about how they carry a change of clothes with them at all times in case bladder issues crop up… that would make sense to me…

what the heck brought this on, you ask??? lol… late night disaster… and it all started with a drink of diet coke… my favorite drink in the world… yep, I am addicted…

as happens from time to time, my lovely diet coke decided to go down my wind pipe and into the forbidden area of my lungs… not cool… but unlike usual, this time I couldn’t hack the stuff back up… and breathing was seriously becoming an issue… and if that wasn’t bad enough, I had to run for the restroom because the hacking had my abdominal muscles squeezing my bladder… ( and all of this from a sound sleep… I had woken up coughing, and taken a drink to sooth my throat… which soooo  didn’t work )

so a I make it safe and sound to the restroom, but no air ups the anti on my hacking, which lead to vomit… yep, you heard me… but at that point, the toilet was occupy so that my bladder did decide to go haywire… there was nothing for me to do, but to lean in the direction of the tub…. but I leaned a little too far…

needless to say, I ended up peeing in the floor after all my hard work … and to add insult to injury, I had already thrown up in the tub… the thing didn’t dirty was the toilet… it was as I cleaned the bathroom (thankfully able to finally breathe) to within an inch of its life, that I stopped to wonder where the news posts about these famous MS peeps were when they had to make a mad dash for the bathroom… because you know it has to happen… it is a horrible part of life…

the next day, I was feeling blue… and doubt and depression were filling my thoughts… “why continue writing, or painting, or going through the day to day motions???” … but then I opened my email and saw that I had a new review for my first novel…

By
This review is from: Shocking Finds: A Finder’s Keeper Novel (Paperback)
Judging by the author bio at the back of this book, Tracey Clark is obviously a very bubbly and charismatic personality, and this is evident in her writing style from the very beginning to the end of this entertaining Fantasy novel. Her storytelling technique immediately pulls the reader into her world of Fae who struggle to live in the everyday real world. This approach intrigued me right away because there was not too much out-of-this-world Fantasy to get familiar with, and the situation of the main character, Marin, not even knowing that she is a Fae Princess with tremendous powers also adds to the suspense and interest as the story unfolds.
Another prominent and positive feature of this book is that the author skilfully expresses thoughts and feelings from the two main characters: Marin and the man she is destined to be with, Kyland. In fact, this novel is also a beautiful, deep and intense love story, quite apart from the problems caused by Fae curses and helping Marin to understand and believe who she really is.
This book sets the scene for more books to come, and it is quite a lengthy book which took me some time to read, mainly because the writing style is engaging but also intense at times, so that you cannot skim through or skip anything. It is an involving read, but a very rewarding one for both Fantasy and Romance lovers alike, and I’ll be looking out for the sequel to this book!
It was a small thing, but reading this review helped pull me out of my way… I love getting these (and thankfully I have yet to get a bad review)… they are uplifting to me… and mean more to me than my readers will ever know… alrighty… that’s all for now… 😛 later MS peeps…

Keep it Down… Shhh

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I complain about my sleeping issues all the time… to myself, to my dogs and mother… to you guys… it can be maddening… first you deal with the heat and headaches keeping you up at night… and if you’re like me, you end up exhausted after days of little to no sleep… lol… the easiest way for me to get to sleep is to do some research for one of my books… then, heat or no heat, my brain just shuts off… not sure if that counts as sleep or not, but after days of wide-eyed confusion, a girl has to do what a girl has to do…

but my lack of sleep has roots in more than just pain or heat… thinking can keep me up more thoroughly than any pain… it is something that started soon after my diagnosis… or maybe it started getting worse… I’m not sure… but my mind is always on this constant loop of plans, story ideas, sadness (if something happens or I watch a tear jerker), etc… really anything and everything keeps my the hamster wheel I call my thoughts to continuously spin… the one thing I have found that helps is to pop in a movie or tv DVD that I have watched a million times… the sound of something that I practically know by heart helps me sleep… if I have something on that I’ve never seen before, my mind wants to know more… insane, but even a B-rated horror flick would have my eyes popping back open so that I could see what happened next…

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anyone that has watched the first Underworld will (maybe) know what scene I’m talking about when I say that turn on the movie and as soon as the huge (and man, that guy has to be like 7 ft of pure muscle) black man that plays one of the werewolves, screams out ‘bloods’ in his deep bass, then starts shooting in the underground train station, I would start to drift to sleep… lol… for the first three years after my diagnosis, I drifted off to that base growl… poor mom… back then, she was so afraid of losing me that she sleep in the same room…

the room wasn’t really that big, so it wasn’t like she could put her bed far enough away that two hours of vampires, werewolves and gunfire on a loop didn’t keep her awake… but it was either that or I never slept…

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my second fave for a good night’s sleep was Hellboy… still very loud… but maybe a little less gun play… I think it was the sound of rapid fire explosions that quieted my mind, because Underworld was always better at putting me to sleep… but hey, a girl needed a change every once in a while… 😛

these days, it is helpful to put in a tv season that I have watched a million times… but lately, I have been thinking of going back to Underworld… sleeping in the tub is always easy, but I am getting prune lines… later guys… happy wordage…

Evil Confusion… Evil MS

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I want to growl, maybe even howl… there is definitely a scream or two building up at the inefficiency of my mind… okay… that might be a little harsh… but still very true…

I love writing… which is very surprising seeing as I deal with MS (confusion) and dyslexia every day, and especially during the hotter summer months… as the temperature rises, my MS symptoms make themselves known… misunderstandings and an inability to verbalize my thoughts is frequent… but after growing up with the confusion and the lack of articulation associated with dyslexia, these symptoms are nothing new…

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part of creating novels and short stories is research… something that I have always abhorred… but the added difficulties of living with MS has made evil research even worse… it’s hard to explain, but my brain sort of shuts down when faced with too much confusion… learning something new, or focusing on and answering questions creates a short circuit in my ability to stay awake… I simply pass out… it is maddening… and disheartening…

I want to create stories that can be enjoyed… stories with added tidbits of honest real world information to pull the reader in and allow them to visualize my words as if they were living the story…

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finding a balance that allows my mind to work at its own pace, and my creative side to put together works I consider worthy of publishing is hard… but in the end it is worth it… there is a pride and joy that overcomes me as my words become published works… it is a type of high, a high of accomplishment… (oh course, then I have to deal with writer’s depression… something that happens after the publishing phase is over and down with… but I deal with that by taking on art projects and starting on new writing projects… )

if the confusion of MS symptoms and dyslexia were too overwhelming (or not worth enduring) I never would have finished my first novel… now if I could just find a way to stay conscious during research, life would be a lot easier to navigate…

good luck with life, and good luck with you own MS symptoms during this overwhelmingly hot season… happy wordage, tracey

sign up for Finder’s Keepers Newsletter and receive updates on future works… 😛

OMG … my head

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lol… I know what my brain is telling me… it is screaming that I have MS and need to slow down… the month of may has been way to full of activity… I know that I need to avoid stress and heat, and listen to my body… but sometimes all I hear is ‘blah, blah, blah…’

I hate the feeling of being hampered by my MS, but that is the way of it… grrr…

okay, now that the growling is out of the way, I have to think of ways to work with my MS… my hardest obstical is Sleep… I toss and turn, sleep in the tub, and wake up exhausted… when I sleep in the bed, I roll in circles and end up tossing my pillows all over the place.. sometimes my head ends up where my feet should be… and falling asleep in the first place is a real back in the arse…

but my heads main problem is Smell… I took mom to get a perm earlier this month, and ended up sitting outside to avoid the smells… man… it had to be the strongest solution ever created for a perm… and then we rested up for a mother/daughter church dinner with granny-2…  I guess my brain/smeller was already in hyper-drive… as soon as we walked into the reception/fellowship area my nose was assaulted by the smell of freshly cut onions… my eyes began to water and my head to ache… omg… and the dang onions were at the other end of the room…

sooo… I had a few headaches this month, but I got a lot done… finished camp nano with 70,000+ words (one and half novels in rough draft form), worked on a new art project, and checked out Lake Cumberland with mom… a little pain, but all in all, I have had some great moments this month…

happy wordage, tracey

watch me run…

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I ran… the wind blew, the sweat started to drip, my breathing accelerated, and still I ran… I became a bullet train of MS glory… muhahahaha

okay… that isn’t me… and my distance my seem trivial to some, but to all you MSers out there, when I say I managed to beat my time on the 25 foot walk, it will mean something… when I first got sick, 25ft felt like miles… a marathon of pain… and then I had to sit down… and that was after I had bounced off the walls as I wobbled down the hall… and my time… HA… a lot embarrassed me back then… now I share everything… bladder issues, jumbled words, or loss of basic abilities… but at the time I wanted to cry… I felt like I needed to push harder, like people (even my dr) would look at me and think “She isn’t even trying… there’s nothing wrong with her!!!”

back then my 7+ seconds time was humiliating… as I grow with my MS, and accept more limits, and strive for goals, I am better equipped to handle the ups and downs… but this one, folks, was definitely an up… 2 seconds… point-5 seconds faster than my last time…  and what fancy foot wear did I don in preparation for my big run???

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HA… no tennis shoes for this girl… I showed up for appointment with my comfy flip flops on my feet… but this 25ft walk (or in my case run) is serious business… lol… so I kicked them off… and my doc, well accustomed to my ways by now, told the little nurse in training to “back out of the way…. she really is gonna run” … lol… in my stance and off I went… it is the small accomplishments that help to balance out the crap… and that 25ft is now my favorite part of the neurologist’s office… that and my doc is funny… that is why I think she will totally appreciate my runners gear…

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I soooo need to find something like this… 😛 … day by day, highs and lows, I want everyone to keep shooting for those small moments… it can be anything… a good time on your 25ft walk, a day without headaches, making something that has been giving you trouble for years… each small moment gives hope … and, for me, usually a smile… because I am well aware that I am acting like a silly monger, but for once I am having fun with my MS… tracey

 

Walk it Off – MS

Today is Walk MS in my area… a time for MS supporter and sufferers to come together to fight MS with a fundraiser Walk… they walk a mile, eat some lunch, and purchase some Multiple Sclerosis shirts…

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lol… my zombie walk has gotten a lot better but I still have my off days… most of those walking are sturdy on their feet… to participate, you don’t have to actually walk, if you can’t… I have been virtually walking for the last month… (though no one has chosen to donate on my MS page… I was still able to show my support)

next year, plan how you can support MS… donations, walk/bike, or blog until you can’t blog no more… 😛

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I have never had anyone say this to me… and I never say it to myself… be sure that you never say it either (to yourself or to others) … each and every day, do what you can… whether it is for something like Walk MS or in day to day tasks… I can’t walk this year, and I have found a way to make myself feel like I am contributing… I would love to actually walk but that just isn’t some that I CAN do…

and the walker are off….

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

mommy killer!!!

 

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alrighty… before I get to my MS virtual Walk post, I had to share this… this was one of the many reason that I have come to believe that Disney is a mother-hater… lol… I cried more watching their movies as a child than in day to day life… they were always killing mom or locking her up… I would cry and tell mom that they needed their mommy… but his part really hit me hard for some reason… dumbo could only touch his mommy in this small way… even now, it tears me up… (I blame the MS) damn you Disney… now I need tissues…

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I am gonna pretend that I didn’t just tear up over a Disney GIF… muahahaha

Battling MS truly is a super power… and don’t forget it… even Dr. Seuss knows that MS can suck…but each and every day, we face MS and come out on top…we get back up, we smile through the pain, we clear our throats and give that sentence another try… and when we just need to take a day off, it doesn’t mean the MS has won… no way, dude… we just need a moment to get our second/third/forth wind…

facing each day with a positive outlook isn’t always possible, but as long as you give it a try, you have tomorrow to give it another go… that’s what I try to remember, when I am feeling beaten… ‘I wasn’t able to do it today, but tomorrow I can try again’…

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

bring on the funny…

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LOL… okay… that gif has nothing to do with MS…but with four days until the big Walk MS event, it thought we could use some funny… that is what living with multiple sclerosis is all about… finding the humor in our lives where and when we can…

you have to enjoy every minute that you can, and get through the moments that bring on pain/doubt… and always remember those funny moments, while looking forward to the next humorous event… that is what happens with my mother around… she and I have similar funny bones…and can always make each other laugh…

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Mom likes to say that between the two of us, we almost have one functioning brain… lol… and it sadly sooooo very true…

the other day…. okay three days ago… mom and I were chatting away… and when I opened my mouth to comment I completely forgot one of my words… I knew how to describe it (like a combo of football and soccer but scary violent)… sadly she didn’t know what I was talking about… but three days later, I’m not even thinking about our conversation when out of the blue ‘rugby’ pops into my head… I guess my process was slow… 😛

mom forgets stuff all the time too, but she lets it get to her, stating that it is a sign of old age… but I just say ‘that’s life’… but in a nod to her distaste for getting older, I have promised to visit her with a new purse every day (new to her forgetfulness) I will save money and she will always enjoy a new present…

all joking aside… forgetting things can be scary… and is not something to laugh about unless the person you are joking with also thinks it is funny…

anywho… three more posts and the Walk is on…

Walk MS

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

Pain in the Arse

 

Dead leg… what the heck is going one here…

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I haven’t had any episodes of true numbness… thank heavens… but it does seem like I can’t stand to sit in a chair like a normal human being with out my legs and arse falling asleep… quickly…

and then the pain hits… which just seems unfair… I can’t sit in a theater, or reception hall for any length of time without the inevitable sleepy bum and antsy legs… and then OMG the pain… I can barely make it through a movie, and sitting through a graduation or awards ceremony is torture…

it is depression to realize that supporting my cousin at her college graduation is going to be painful and that the tears in my eyes will be less for the pride I will feel for her accomplishments and more for the depression welling up in my heart… I mean… no one wants to realize that their life is soooo very different from everyone else’s life… all of those other people in the stands will be beaming with their happiness… while I will be leaning one way and then the other, just to relieve the ache building in my backside, not to mention the pins and needles racing down my legs…

and if I don’t get up and move, the pain finds its way into my back… but does it stop there… ohhhhh nooooo… I have now reached the point where I either need to lie down, get in a lazy-boy and prop up my legs, or if it is really back, get in a hot bath… and on top of being depressed that I can’t just sit through the event like everyone else, am embarrassed, which usually brings on the tears…

I remember sitting through one of my cousins weddings when I was barely a year into my diagnosis with MS… and I moved so dang slowly… but anywho… I had sat through the event, the pain had started, and I saw the long line of people waiting to congratulate the couple… there was no way I was going make it stand in that line, and no way I could make it down stairs to the reception in the church basement, let alone stand or sit around celebrating the nuptials… and it was early in my disease, meaning emotions were even more out of control than they are now… soooo I broke into tears… sobs actually…and mom had to make our excuses, which was embarrassing, and caused even more tears…

mainly because I knew that there were going to be people that looked at me and didn’t understand… they wouldn’t know why I was sobbing or why I was leaving… so yeah… ms sucks… at least when my other cousin graduates from college, it will be quiet tears of pain and pride, without the sobs…

I almost wish that my cousin would take a few more years to graduate, and as for the movies… I go to maybe one a year… and it has to be something I am dying to see, because I know halfway through my body will start to feel like I am on my last legs, so I will need something great to take my mind off of what is happening to my body…

MS can really suck, so work with it and around it… otherwise it will drive you insane…

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

Fear Me…

Okay… I came across this poster on Pinterest just had to share… it is essential to know and accept that MS patients deal with fear and anxiety on a daily basis…

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I already do “Sharing Fear” and “Coping with Anxiety List”… except for writing down my anxiety, but I may subconsciously give the characters in my novels and short stories some of my anxieties and fears…

I have noticed that one of my sub-characters has a problem with hot weather, and a main character has shyness and wallflower behavior to rival my own… lol… but with my stories I can find ways for them to move past these issues…

with sharing my fears, voicing them out loud, I feel a weight disappearing… just by saying it out loud I realize that my fears aren’t as impossible as I thought… they aren’t as big and all consuming as they appeared… and usually, I have my mother to tell me that everything will be okay… and even if she doesn’t have an answer that will actually fix my fears, she has a suggestion that cheers me up…

as for the coping with anxiety list, I already said that I don’t do a regular list of fear/anxiety and that I share my fears when the hit… as for the rest of the list…

My mother is always there for a quick hug when I need one, and I am all about relaxing bath time… in fact I spend more time in the tub than I do out… at least that is how it feels… when I can’t sleep or my anxiety is getting the better of me, or even if I have some pain that refuses to go away, I head for the bathroom and shout out ‘I’m going swimming’… some hot water and low lights, and I am off to sleepy time…

A calming breath is always helpful, and diverting activities are at the top of my list of coping mechanisms… usually I use one of my favorite movies/shows to zone out… my mind already knows all my favorite parts of the show and tunes itself to the familiar scenes and actions… working on an art project also helps to balance out my mind… and man do I love art projects… especial if it is something new that I have never tried before…

and finally, Avoidance… I know what will cause me to be angry, anxious, sad, etc… and avoiding news, shows, people, events, and all the other disruptive activities that I know will affect my mental state is part of life now that I have MS… I don’t usual say why I am avoiding something, and that is wrong… I should just come out and tell those around me that I need to disengage from the situation so that my mental state isn’t adversely affected… I mean, if you know that going to a party with ‘uncle Dick’ or ‘friendly Ratchet’ will cause your temper to flare or your tears to flow, then walk away… when I can walk away, I avoid the situation like the plague…

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

Deep Breath In

Holy crap batman… so this is what happened…

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I had this feeling… the feeling of a boa constrictor trying to kill me… a few times… but not often enough to mention to my doctor… okay, I hate going to the doctor, and hello… I have MS, which equals a horrible memory… basically, if it isn’t happening to me while I sit in the doctor’s office, I am likely to forget about it…

but few times I had this feeling, I blamed it on the fact that I was wearing a bra… and once I took the dang thing off and laid perfectly still, the feeling lessened… if I had know if was my MS trying to smash my ribs, I would have??? taken off my bra and laid down… lol…

knowing what caused the issue hasn’t really chanced anything, but it is still nice to know what the heck was going on.. and in the future I will??? take off my bra and lay down… 😛 but at least I won’t be worried that an invisible giant is sitting on my chest…

anywho…. MS month is now over, but my virtual walk post will continue for another week and a few days… until april 10th when my local MS Walk takes place… instead of hoofing it this year, I will be typing my fingers to the bone… muhahahaha… I hope you guys have found your own personal way to support the MS cause (with money, support, or maybe your own blog)

here are some links to donate to the MS Walk, either visit my page, or head over and start your own… it is never too late… happy wordage everyone, tracey

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

How dark is your world?

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I try to add an upbeat note to most of my MS posts… but this is a feeling that we all have… it is hard to look around at what we are missing out on, and not feel a little blue… and no one can look on the brighter side all the time… by now, I had planned to have a good job, a kid or two, and be taking care of my mother… it would have been nice to be in a steady relationship as well, but I never was very good at dating, so I planned to just get employed and buy some sperm, and let the rest fall however it would…

but the other day, I wanted to cry… I immediately explained how I was feeling to my mother, because if you don’t voice your feelings they can bury down deep and start to eat you alive… but we were talking about where we would move, and I realized that the things we wanted out of a new home were vastly different, and would never mesh… and that ultimately, all I could do was to make suggestions…

but by this point in my life, I had planned to have the money to have a wonderful home (while asking mom suggestions)

now don’t get me wrong… mom bends over backwards to make me happy, which she doesn’t have to do… it was the thought that I will never (barring a miracle) be one hundred percent in charge of my life…

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But I am still able to write my novels… and maybe one day, they will make enough to give me some measure of independence… my cousin is having a baby… and I will be able to spoil that child, and any future children, and show them all the love I would have giving a child of my own… and finally, mom is willing to move… and I will look at that as the adventure it will be… she is even willing to travel around on walk-about (that’s when we drive from state to state, stopping when we see something of interest)…

these are all wonderful things…. when MS blues come knocking on your door, you need to find one or two things that brighten your world… when the bad makes itself known, you have to remember/find something to take away the sting…

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

Who’s driving this boat??

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Mom and I joke all the time that between the two of us we almost have one fully functioning memory… almost… it can make conversations down right painful, when neither one of us can remember what we were talking about…

every once in a while, we will be driving along, and she/or I will say “I thought you were driving”… lol… that is only funny if you have heard the joke about the two little old ladies, one is cringing as the car goes the wrong way, sidelines mailboxes, and runs red lights… but when her friend tells her to slow down, she replies “I thought you were driving…”

that is me and mom… she is all the time asking me where I am going (I am always the driver, since my MS never took away my driving, well except when I lost my eyesight) … and usually I have gone the long way around, or flat out passed my exit… and I simply say ‘not to worry, we’ll get there eventually’

and that is my mantra… I will get there eventually… I forget what I am doing half the time, but I always get the job done eventually (driving or just living life) the key is to never give up and to do your best not to get upset when your memory takes a break…

mom and I were talking about how dangerous certain sports can be, and I tried to tell her about this European sport that was ten times more dangerous than football… but it took me two days to remember the word ‘rugby’… and it came to me out of nowhere… but it did get there…

the worst time for my memory to be falling down on the job, is when I am heading downstairs for something… I will reach the bottom step and suddenly I don’t have a clue why I’m down there… but wouldn’t you know it, as soon as I get comfortable (back upstairs) I remember… and back to the stairs I head… only to forget all over again once I reach that last step… lol… I have made that circuit three or more times before I finally remember what the heck I needed….

but that is life… that is my life… and as long as it eventually gets done, I am happy… don’t let it get you down, if you keep trying, eventually everything gets done..

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Sexual Healing

If ever there was a reason to help raise awareness, support, and funds to discover a cure for Multiple Sclerosis, this has to be his…

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OMG… like I don’t have enough to deal with… okay… I was never good at dating, and I haven’t had any interaction with the opposite sex in years, so why would I care if this is an issue… well, duh… because even thinking about makes me want to pout…

finding a partner for life’s ups and downs is something that most people want, me included… but I am afraid, this is a situation where I am the one needing advice… to top off the whole, I have MS problem, I have to be one of the shyest gals known to man… or maybe one of the shyest gals ‘un’known to man… hehe…

yep… that’s me…

it is easier to be friends than to do that whole seductive female routine… I just don’t understand the rules of the dating world… and now I have this disease… how am I supposed to get excited by the brush of fingers along my spine, you know, if my body decides to go numb and I don’t even feel it… booo… and that is the most g-rated problem I can think of… so very not cool, MS… I demand a refund…

and what guy is gonna want to deal with some chick he just started going out with if she is running around with the hulk version of PMS mood swings, each month, all month… yep… this is by far the suckiest MS symptom I have heard of so far…

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Fire Ant Attack

Wow… this month has been overwhelmingly full of MS posts… 😛 usually I only post about 4-7 posts on this site, but the local MS Walk is taking place on April 10th, and March is MS month… since I don’t feel up to walking with my fellow MS/supporter peeps, this has been my way of virtually walking… and getting out the links for those that wish to donate… but donation can be so much more than money… understanding and support is just as important, at least in my opinion… if you can do either, I (as a Multiple Sclerosis sufferer) thank you…

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when I saw this picture on pinterest, I immediately thought of MS and the horrible leg pain I used to go through before my favorite PA at my neurologist came up with mixture of meds to help…

every minute of every day, 24/7, I could feel these angry Fire Ants attacking my legs… and every few seconds those invisible ants would send out an electrical shock, a stabbing pain… it was unbearable… until my PA came along, I was depressed and unsure if I could make it year in and year out with the pain…

not to mention the lack of sleep… there is no way to close your eyes and rest when you are being attacked by fire and electricity… even my penchant hot baths to relieve pain would only help so much… it took forever (if it worked at all) for my legs to stop hurting, and as soon as I got out of the tub, the ants came back…

imagine that pain you get after one of your limbs (legs or arms) falls asleep and then you move around and the blood rushes back in where the circulation was cut off… that is nothing compared to the Fire Ant pain… it is not only an attack on the body, but after months of living with something that refuses to go away, it becomes an attack on your mental health… there is not point to continue, not when you feel like no one will ever help you… that no one believes you… after all, it’s all in your head, right???

well, it may be all in your head, but there is a way to help… Gabapentin – miracle drug, along with a muscle relaxant, and those deadly ants only visit when I forget to take my medicine on time…

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

Dyslexia meets Multiple Sclerosis

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okay… this is totally unfair… lol… but I grew up learning to deal with Dyslexia… my case isn’t that bad, but getting my words mixed up, and taking ten times longer to read my homework assignment??? reading out loud in class and fearing that I would start to stutter as I did my best to understand what I was reading??? yeah, that crap sucks…

but I found little ways to work around the problems and even graduated third in my class, from high school …

but to then have MS thrown onto the pile of word confusion??? well hell people… lol… it took about eight years, but for the most part my words have straightened out… I still have word salad coming out of my mouth when I am tired or stressed, but I always know what I mean in my head… and thankfully, I can write and type better than I can speak… otherwise I never would have been able to finish my novel… but crossed eyes, falling asleep because my brain is tired, and edits that had me wanting to scream all eventually worked out… and I got an indie publisher to help me get everything in order…

now book two is wither her, and she says we need to talk… frankly I am freaking out, and second guessing myself… I can only hope that I whatever problems she has spotted can be worked out easily… otherwise, you guys might hear my frustration no matter where you live…

Oh… and Yoda rocks… 😛

happy wordage, tracey

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Shake, rattle and fall

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Alright… as far as Seizures go, I have been quite lucky… there have been no out of control, flopping on the floor, drool and bite your tongue moments…

Now, ‘Drop Attacks’, that’s a different story entirely… for the most part, I manage to catch myself… and usually these drops only affect one leg at a time… the worst drop attack I ever had, I was attempting to go downstairs… not a good time for your legs to take a break… luckily, there was a ledge that I managed to catch and hold on to before falling down the stairs… I about jerked my arms out of their sockets but the drop didn’t last long, so I shook it off, cursed a little, and continued on my way…

I don’t know if I have ever had a Seizure where I appeared wide awake, because mom and I both sleep at extremely odd hours… my MS and her back pain has totally screwed up our circadian cycles (the times when we go to bed and sleep)… so it is grab it when you can for us a lot of the time… if I am having wide awake seizures, then the pugs aren’t talking…

but the Drop Attacks??? in a way, I am used to them… my knees would go out on me, even as a child… one time my knees gave out as I approached my desk in second grade… and down I went… it wouldn’t have been that bad but I managed to hit my eye on the corner of my desk… and though I could see just find, the adults were freaking out, and I was crying… but hey, it hurt like the devil…

my granny came to get me, and drove me to the hospital my mother worked at…and the entire time I worried that I would need stitches… but granny said it would be find and no stitches would be required… HA,… the skin beside my eye was split from the actual eye and out about an inch…

needless to say, I freaked out when they came at my face with that needle… hey… Granny had promised no stitches… now at thirty-five, the scar is hard to see, but it is definitely still there… and boy am I glad it got stitched up… even if I did embarrass mom by acting like a loon… 😛 soooo yeah… I got really good at catching myself when my knees/legs decided to drop me on my arse…

happy wordage, Tracey

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

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Stress equals Mess

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Being in a stressful situation isn’t always avoidable… life loves to throw us into insane moments, to hit us out of the blue with worry, sadness, anxiousness, fear… STRESS … lol…

Especially those of us with MS… but why is Multiple Sclerosis the favorite target of the big bad bully Stress??? Because sometimes we react in ways that make no sense… not even to us… and then the Norms (hehehe… that’s everyone without MS) reacts normally to our out of control emotions and actions, and then??? welllllll, it all goes down hill from there…

I avoid situations that I already know will be stressful (if I can) because I know that it will throw my emotions into chaos… and no one, not even me, wants to deal with a grown woman crying and sweating because the heat has turned her legs to jelly, or the sight of a guest at a party has her spitting mad, or the downtown restaurant is serving all her favorite foods (foods not on her diet) anddddddd cue the melt down… lol…

I know that feeling denied, different, or ignored will nudge the emotions and meltdowns, and stress, anddddd finally the exacerbation (jackhammer to the brain as lesions act up)… I want to live as long as I can, with as many happy days as possible… I know that I can’t control everything, but if I see that I am heading into a stressful situation, I stop and decide if I can avoid it… and nine times out of ten, I can…

I may hurt some feelings, but I am more worried about me… I explain to those I can, but if I know the situation will be a trial, I do my best to head for the hills…

Happy wordage, tracey…

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE