Tag Archives: inspiration

bring on the funny…

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LOL… okay… that gif has nothing to do with MS…but with four days until the big Walk MS event, it thought we could use some funny… that is what living with multiple sclerosis is all about… finding the humor in our lives where and when we can…

you have to enjoy every minute that you can, and get through the moments that bring on pain/doubt… and always remember those funny moments, while looking forward to the next humorous event… that is what happens with my mother around… she and I have similar funny bones…and can always make each other laugh…

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Mom likes to say that between the two of us, we almost have one functioning brain… lol… and it sadly sooooo very true…

the other day…. okay three days ago… mom and I were chatting away… and when I opened my mouth to comment I completely forgot one of my words… I knew how to describe it (like a combo of football and soccer but scary violent)… sadly she didn’t know what I was talking about… but three days later, I’m not even thinking about our conversation when out of the blue ‘rugby’ pops into my head… I guess my process was slow… 😛

mom forgets stuff all the time too, but she lets it get to her, stating that it is a sign of old age… but I just say ‘that’s life’… but in a nod to her distaste for getting older, I have promised to visit her with a new purse every day (new to her forgetfulness) I will save money and she will always enjoy a new present…

all joking aside… forgetting things can be scary… and is not something to laugh about unless the person you are joking with also thinks it is funny…

anywho… three more posts and the Walk is on…

Walk MS

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

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Whose your Baby Girl??

Okay… I have written about Shemar Moore before, but come on… I love this guy… and after the teaser of his death on Criminal Minds, I just have to post about his MS work again…

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The support of family and friends is paramount when dealing with Multiple Sclerosis, or any life altering disease… I know I wouldn’t have made it this far without my mother to count on… it is good to see that an actor of Shemar’s talent takes the time to support his mother…

he has his Baby Girl line of clothes and what-not, and I read how he road in one of the Bike MS events… very cool…

Check out his line  HERE and you get to help with MS and get something cool to wear in the process… I already have my shirt… part of the proceeds will go to help find a cure for MS… see… very cool…

My personal battle has been ups and downs of doubt, depression, fear, and questioning… oh, I have hope, excitement, and goals… but I have been able to fight the former with my mother’s shoulder and strength, and the latter has been due to her helping hand… she is the one that tells me to keep trying and to never lose hope, and anytime she can help me reach or experience my dreams, she rushes forward to make it happen…

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

A Personal Walk

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This is very important…. you have to understand and believe this will all your heart… your walk with MS, is your own… and your outcomes will be different from all those other stories…

I remember hearing some truly ghastly stories when I first got sick… I know those sharing what they knew thought that they were being helpful, but what I heard was horror stories… I had a (maybe best not to name names) tell me about this 19 year old that had one lesion, and had just died… and that I was amazing because I had so many lesions (too many to count) … hmmmm what I heard??? I could die any day…

I really could have done without that helpful story… I decided then to focus on the positive and ignore the stories of trial by fire… I decided to share my story for anyone that wanted to hear it, but to never force the information out there… everything about MS is personal… including when we are in the frame of mind to need/want to share or hear the stories about MS life (both the good and the bad stories)

we can have similar experiences, and symptoms … but it is important to remember that the disease attacks each of us differently…

for me, talking and explaining what I go through is easy and helpful… some people don’t want anyone to know, and that is their right…

for me, explaining what MS does to me, and what others can expect me to do or say helps me to interact with others… I am usually very shy (doing my best to change that) but I have noticed that once others know what life trials I am facing, they show caring and support… otherwise, it is human nature to suspect the worst… I mean.. if we see someone stumbling through the room, what do we think if we don’t know anything about them??? the first thought is usually that they are drunk… but if they tell us they have MS and their legs aren’t cooperating that day, we wonder how we can help them…

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

How dark is your world?

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I try to add an upbeat note to most of my MS posts… but this is a feeling that we all have… it is hard to look around at what we are missing out on, and not feel a little blue… and no one can look on the brighter side all the time… by now, I had planned to have a good job, a kid or two, and be taking care of my mother… it would have been nice to be in a steady relationship as well, but I never was very good at dating, so I planned to just get employed and buy some sperm, and let the rest fall however it would…

but the other day, I wanted to cry… I immediately explained how I was feeling to my mother, because if you don’t voice your feelings they can bury down deep and start to eat you alive… but we were talking about where we would move, and I realized that the things we wanted out of a new home were vastly different, and would never mesh… and that ultimately, all I could do was to make suggestions…

but by this point in my life, I had planned to have the money to have a wonderful home (while asking mom suggestions)

now don’t get me wrong… mom bends over backwards to make me happy, which she doesn’t have to do… it was the thought that I will never (barring a miracle) be one hundred percent in charge of my life…

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But I am still able to write my novels… and maybe one day, they will make enough to give me some measure of independence… my cousin is having a baby… and I will be able to spoil that child, and any future children, and show them all the love I would have giving a child of my own… and finally, mom is willing to move… and I will look at that as the adventure it will be… she is even willing to travel around on walk-about (that’s when we drive from state to state, stopping when we see something of interest)…

these are all wonderful things…. when MS blues come knocking on your door, you need to find one or two things that brighten your world… when the bad makes itself known, you have to remember/find something to take away the sting…

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

Slow and Steady

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I love this … and it is something that we all need to remember, not just those of us with MS… Multiple Sclerosis, life in general, has a tendency to throw curve balls our way… but anything is possible, we just have to work at it… or at least that’s what my mother says… and she assures me that mother’s know everything 😛

but working through my wants and dreams is difficult… and just because I do my best to reach my goal, keep a bright outlook, and smile when I want to scream… none of that means that I don’t have moments when my outlook, my world view, my sense of right and wrong doesn’t start pushing me into a deep depression…

and on top of the natural depression that comes with having MS, I am a writer… I have one novel published but that just means I now worry that my next book wont be loved… fighting MS blues and Writer’s depression is difficult… but I have my mother to pull me out of it, and to remind me not to expect more out of myself than I can give, and to remember that tomorrow is another day, another chance, and to never give up…

so that is my message to all of you… no matter your trials, keep trying… keep reaching, and keep dreaming… there is always a way… even when we cant reach our original goal, if we keep trying, we will find new dreams and happiness along the way… happy wordage everyone

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

Who turned off the lights???

The high dive, the bungee swing at Kings Island, zip-lining between two mountain peaks, or even sitting on the edge of a cliff… (okay, I was a little bit of a dare devil in my youth) but climb it, jump it, swim across it activities never frightened me… my mother probably had a few stoke moments, but I love the feeling of freefalling, the moment when it is over and you can look around and go ‘huh… I did that…’ like I said, not the smartest decision maker… lol… but man was it fun…

and not one of those moments had me pausing, wondering if I should back out, fearing the worst… I even decided to swim across Grayson Lake, just to see if I could… I knew that I could float all day if I had to (seriously people, I bob around like a dang raft..) It wasn’t until I got home, told mom and watched her face turn white that realized maybe I should have thought things through a little more… like swimming parallel to rocky shoreline so that I didn’t have to worry about boat running me over…

I do have a problem with the thought of sharks and I absolute detest the beach (I mean, who really wants deal with sand that has a mind of its own and will crawl into every crack and crevasse??? that’s just wrong… but still I go out into the water (I run back when things start touching me, but the fear isn’t enough to stop me)

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But when I started losing my sight, with dark clouds building around the edges, because of MS… I broke down… I was already having issues because my case was fast and out of nowhere and it affected my personality… I acted like a toddler, with out of control emotions and absolute trust that the adults would fix things…but something (and I’m not sure what… something said or maybe a random thought) scared the life out of me…

It may have been the eye exam they took me to while I was in the hospital… (that was a horrible experience but too long for right now) anyhow, one thing got stuck in my head and wouldn’t let go… ‘I wouldn’t be able to read the last Harry Potter’ sounds silly, but at that moment, that was devastating… I bawled like my life was over…

thankfully, my sight came back… but even if it hadn’t, my mother (my rock) was there… she told me not to worry… if I couldn’t read, she would read it to me… with MS, you never know when things may change (for good or bad) but I hope everyone finds their person, their rock, the one that can take your devastation and make everything bearable…

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

#WeAreStrongerThanMS

Finding My Words

The National Multiple Sclerosis Society has been sending out encouraging emails containing stories of strength… and it is strength to feel as if something you love has been taken from you… to feel lost, but to find ways to continue on…

I have always been a creative person, with half my mind taken up with artistic ideas… but in 2005 I felt as if MS had taken all that away… no more oil paints, or stories full of my wonderful words; no more charcoal sketches or cake decorations… without warning, my mind and body was hit with exacerbation after exacerbation… without the progression and symptoms that are common leading up to a diagnosis of MS, my doctors were scrambling to find a reason for my loss of vision, my inability to walk, my childlike confusion and forgetfulness, arms with minds of their own as they twitched and slammed my hands into everything in sight, etc… basically all things MS related, but instead of a growing list of symptoms, it seemed that everything was going wrong at the same time… within weeks, I was going down hill fast…

thankfully, a multitude of physicians came to give their opinions as they ran tests and viewed results, knowing that as a college student I had not insurance… I am very grateful to them all… it was a rapid decent, but they managed to get my lesions under control…

with the support of my mother, I relearned how to walk, talk, read, write, etc… but in the beginning, the only thing I had to entertain myself in world full of unrelenting boredom (reading confused and hurt my head, watching tv caused headaches, walking was difficult and painful, etc…) was my imagination… I made up stories to pass the time…

but what good were stories, when I couldn’t write them down, I couldn’t edit my words or construct a full sentences … with my mother’s help I grew from that childish mindset… she would sit for hours, doing art project… simple and easy projects like superglue and material to make a cork board pretty, beads and string to make jewelry, or even hand held games for younger kids… each idea she came up with helped me to work on my thought processes, and my hand eye coordination… slowly I was able to jot down notes, so I could remember where my story was going, I could record ideas (in short sentences), and when my head started to hurt, I could speak into my phone so that the speech-to-text option would write down my thoughts…

I still use the speech-to-text, but I also flip back and forth between writing long hand and typing… I have an awesome wrist brace so that MS joint pain doesn’t slow me down, and I know how to manage my projects… it is all about balance… just because I cannot type out my story doesn’t mean that I cannot get my words into the computer… using my cell phone, I can use the speech-to-text button and suddenly my phone is a voice recorder (only better) and then I can email my current chapter to myself… after some copy and pasting, my chapter has been added to my computer files…

when you have MS, it is important to find little work-arounds so that you don’t miss the things that mean the most to you… with help and determination, I was able to finally get my novel Shocking Finds published… and I have two others out to an indie publisher at Gone Writing Publishing to be considered as well…

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I never thought I would be able to think straight again, let alone complete a 110,000 word paranormal/fantasy romance novel… but no matter how long it took – and it was a good five years before I started feeling like a person again, and another three before I could edit my own work – I feel satisfaction and pride in myself each time someone tells me how much they enjoyed my book… MS was a horrible bump in the road for me, but I truly feel that becoming ill helped me to find my passion in life…

Happy wordage everyone… and never give up hope

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE