Tag Archives: pain

Aches and Pains… sigh

I don’t know about the rest of y’all but the holidays kicked my MS behind… it is amazing how something like cooking can put you in serious need of R&R, and wrapping presents??? forget about it… the Clark household is all about reusable present bags and boxes… yep, it is a standing rule in our home that the gift is yours but the container (bag/box) isn’t to leave the house…

and for those gifts that we are forced to pass out while out and about, we use dollar store X-mas bags… bending over and cutting paper, taping, and attempting to force Christmas paper to behave??? go ahead and skip the pain… invest in lots of decorative boxes… 😛

as for the big holiday meal??? mom wanted my ham this year, and once I start in the kitchen with a meal like this, I can’t help myself… I want the ham to be perfect and tender, the potato salad to be delicious (fyi: made while potatoes are still hot) and the rolls are buttered to melt in your mouth…

truthfully, I want my mother to enjoy the festive season as much as possible… between that and my OCD quirks, I end up overdoing… a big no-no, but the meal was to die for and the gather went great…

all in all, the season was worth it but painful (wanted to cry in pain a few times) and we all had a lot of fun… we are all also ready to say goodbye to the insanity that is the holiday season… I hope everyone managed to enjoy the passing of another year (painful or not) and that you guys are ready to start a new year… let’s all create something wonderful… for my part I hope to get my latest novel (Artistic Beauty) out by early March…

that’s it for now… happy wordage, Tracey

Keep it Down… Shhh

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I complain about my sleeping issues all the time… to myself, to my dogs and mother… to you guys… it can be maddening… first you deal with the heat and headaches keeping you up at night… and if you’re like me, you end up exhausted after days of little to no sleep… lol… the easiest way for me to get to sleep is to do some research for one of my books… then, heat or no heat, my brain just shuts off… not sure if that counts as sleep or not, but after days of wide-eyed confusion, a girl has to do what a girl has to do…

but my lack of sleep has roots in more than just pain or heat… thinking can keep me up more thoroughly than any pain… it is something that started soon after my diagnosis… or maybe it started getting worse… I’m not sure… but my mind is always on this constant loop of plans, story ideas, sadness (if something happens or I watch a tear jerker), etc… really anything and everything keeps my the hamster wheel I call my thoughts to continuously spin… the one thing I have found that helps is to pop in a movie or tv DVD that I have watched a million times… the sound of something that I practically know by heart helps me sleep… if I have something on that I’ve never seen before, my mind wants to know more… insane, but even a B-rated horror flick would have my eyes popping back open so that I could see what happened next…

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anyone that has watched the first Underworld will (maybe) know what scene I’m talking about when I say that turn on the movie and as soon as the huge (and man, that guy has to be like 7 ft of pure muscle) black man that plays one of the werewolves, screams out ‘bloods’ in his deep bass, then starts shooting in the underground train station, I would start to drift to sleep… lol… for the first three years after my diagnosis, I drifted off to that base growl… poor mom… back then, she was so afraid of losing me that she sleep in the same room…

the room wasn’t really that big, so it wasn’t like she could put her bed far enough away that two hours of vampires, werewolves and gunfire on a loop didn’t keep her awake… but it was either that or I never slept…

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my second fave for a good night’s sleep was Hellboy… still very loud… but maybe a little less gun play… I think it was the sound of rapid fire explosions that quieted my mind, because Underworld was always better at putting me to sleep… but hey, a girl needed a change every once in a while… 😛

these days, it is helpful to put in a tv season that I have watched a million times… but lately, I have been thinking of going back to Underworld… sleeping in the tub is always easy, but I am getting prune lines… later guys… happy wordage…

mommy killer!!!

 

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alrighty… before I get to my MS virtual Walk post, I had to share this… this was one of the many reason that I have come to believe that Disney is a mother-hater… lol… I cried more watching their movies as a child than in day to day life… they were always killing mom or locking her up… I would cry and tell mom that they needed their mommy… but his part really hit me hard for some reason… dumbo could only touch his mommy in this small way… even now, it tears me up… (I blame the MS) damn you Disney… now I need tissues…

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I am gonna pretend that I didn’t just tear up over a Disney GIF… muahahaha

Battling MS truly is a super power… and don’t forget it… even Dr. Seuss knows that MS can suck…but each and every day, we face MS and come out on top…we get back up, we smile through the pain, we clear our throats and give that sentence another try… and when we just need to take a day off, it doesn’t mean the MS has won… no way, dude… we just need a moment to get our second/third/forth wind…

facing each day with a positive outlook isn’t always possible, but as long as you give it a try, you have tomorrow to give it another go… that’s what I try to remember, when I am feeling beaten… ‘I wasn’t able to do it today, but tomorrow I can try again’…

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

Pain in the Arse

 

Dead leg… what the heck is going one here…

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I haven’t had any episodes of true numbness… thank heavens… but it does seem like I can’t stand to sit in a chair like a normal human being with out my legs and arse falling asleep… quickly…

and then the pain hits… which just seems unfair… I can’t sit in a theater, or reception hall for any length of time without the inevitable sleepy bum and antsy legs… and then OMG the pain… I can barely make it through a movie, and sitting through a graduation or awards ceremony is torture…

it is depression to realize that supporting my cousin at her college graduation is going to be painful and that the tears in my eyes will be less for the pride I will feel for her accomplishments and more for the depression welling up in my heart… I mean… no one wants to realize that their life is soooo very different from everyone else’s life… all of those other people in the stands will be beaming with their happiness… while I will be leaning one way and then the other, just to relieve the ache building in my backside, not to mention the pins and needles racing down my legs…

and if I don’t get up and move, the pain finds its way into my back… but does it stop there… ohhhhh nooooo… I have now reached the point where I either need to lie down, get in a lazy-boy and prop up my legs, or if it is really back, get in a hot bath… and on top of being depressed that I can’t just sit through the event like everyone else, am embarrassed, which usually brings on the tears…

I remember sitting through one of my cousins weddings when I was barely a year into my diagnosis with MS… and I moved so dang slowly… but anywho… I had sat through the event, the pain had started, and I saw the long line of people waiting to congratulate the couple… there was no way I was going make it stand in that line, and no way I could make it down stairs to the reception in the church basement, let alone stand or sit around celebrating the nuptials… and it was early in my disease, meaning emotions were even more out of control than they are now… soooo I broke into tears… sobs actually…and mom had to make our excuses, which was embarrassing, and caused even more tears…

mainly because I knew that there were going to be people that looked at me and didn’t understand… they wouldn’t know why I was sobbing or why I was leaving… so yeah… ms sucks… at least when my other cousin graduates from college, it will be quiet tears of pain and pride, without the sobs…

I almost wish that my cousin would take a few more years to graduate, and as for the movies… I go to maybe one a year… and it has to be something I am dying to see, because I know halfway through my body will start to feel like I am on my last legs, so I will need something great to take my mind off of what is happening to my body…

MS can really suck, so work with it and around it… otherwise it will drive you insane…

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

How dark is your world?

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I try to add an upbeat note to most of my MS posts… but this is a feeling that we all have… it is hard to look around at what we are missing out on, and not feel a little blue… and no one can look on the brighter side all the time… by now, I had planned to have a good job, a kid or two, and be taking care of my mother… it would have been nice to be in a steady relationship as well, but I never was very good at dating, so I planned to just get employed and buy some sperm, and let the rest fall however it would…

but the other day, I wanted to cry… I immediately explained how I was feeling to my mother, because if you don’t voice your feelings they can bury down deep and start to eat you alive… but we were talking about where we would move, and I realized that the things we wanted out of a new home were vastly different, and would never mesh… and that ultimately, all I could do was to make suggestions…

but by this point in my life, I had planned to have the money to have a wonderful home (while asking mom suggestions)

now don’t get me wrong… mom bends over backwards to make me happy, which she doesn’t have to do… it was the thought that I will never (barring a miracle) be one hundred percent in charge of my life…

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But I am still able to write my novels… and maybe one day, they will make enough to give me some measure of independence… my cousin is having a baby… and I will be able to spoil that child, and any future children, and show them all the love I would have giving a child of my own… and finally, mom is willing to move… and I will look at that as the adventure it will be… she is even willing to travel around on walk-about (that’s when we drive from state to state, stopping when we see something of interest)…

these are all wonderful things…. when MS blues come knocking on your door, you need to find one or two things that brighten your world… when the bad makes itself known, you have to remember/find something to take away the sting…

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

someone remove the anvil

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living with MS is like having a road crew constantly doing jack-hammer like projects inside your brain… I has been a little over a year since my last jack hammer episode, aka exacerbation… or… lesion lighting up my brain like the fourth of july…

but it isn’t a pain you forget… and unlike headaches that I had experienced before, these were easy to pinpoint… I could hold my hand over the area of my brain that was being attacked… and even worse… I could feel when my brain was swelling due to all that trauma… I remember telling my doctor that my brain felt too big for my head, and he said “that’s because it is…”

As for the aspirin comment??? yeah… I learned that lesson real fast… I learned to listen to my body… and when I had an MS headache the only thing that would work was a vasodilator… a pill that scared the crap out of my mom… and one that my doctor no longer prescribes…  I hope someone prescribes them if my headaches come back, but not having even one hidden in the couch cushions, in the medicine cabinet, dropped under the bed, etc, etc, etc…. that is scary… but I would rather cut off my let with a dull knife than go back to the pain doctor that I had to see when everyone in Ky started freaking out about prescribing pain pills… but that is a story from another time… suffice it to say, the woman make me cry and I feared she would make my MS worse with all the stress, so now I spend a lot of time in the bath when in pain…

my Neuro-PA also figured out something to fight the pain in legs, so for now, I sleep in the tub when I have to… 😛

but the worst question to get “did you take something??” would just hurt my feelings… it wasn’t a stupid question exactly… it is normal to ask a person in pain if they have taken something, but if you have had MS for any length of time, you know… there are certain pains in your body that will not react to pain pill… and will the number of other meds being forced on us, it is never smart to add something that will do absolutely nothing…

now back pain??? when that happens, I would love to have some extra strong aspirin … but again… bath time… (Get the picture??) no I’m not in my nineties… those wrinkles are just prune-y skin from spending 8+ hours in the water… you may tell me that hot water is bad for my MS, but it has been ten years and I am doing better than anyone dreamed…

so if anyone needs me, I will be in the bath… 😛 happy wordage, tracey

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

Starting Fires…

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When someone asks me to explain Multiple Sclerosis to them, I say it is like holes are being burned into your brain… Owwwww… but that is basically what it is like… an electrical fire…

information gets passed from neuron to neuron, sending little electrical surges to get the info from point A to point B… then somewhere along the way, something goes wrong… because of MS, the electrical surges that a healthy brain can use and process builds/hits a wall/spikes…

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On a MRI, these spikes show up as white areas… AKA: electrical fires… or lesions… and when these fires burn out, they leave a black spot… basically a black hole… so when I say that I have holes in my head, I mean that literally…

March is MS Month… reach out to everyone you know, and lets raise money to find a cure, to put out the fires… donate on my national MS page, or start your own… and enjoy each day…

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

My body, my pain!

For the most part, I agree with this… but not completely…

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I learned over time that there were different types of pain… just like there were different types of stomach upset… I mean… acid reflux may make you vomit but it has nothing to do with nausea problems… you don’t take Phenergan when there is acid climbing up your throat… and popping some Nexium will do nothing to help with sea sickness or constant vomiting…

So I knew that my headaches wouldn’t be helped by pain pills… but when my back hurt too much for me to stand up straight, a pain pill dulled the issue until I could function during the day… but a switch of doctors, a crack down on pain pills and I ended up with General Physician that refused to touch the issue of my back pain, and referred me to a pain specialist that flat out told me she didn’t like to treat MS patients because they never get better… WTF…

after three visits, where she managed to make me cry (damn MS emotions) all three times, I said ‘the hell with this’ … I reduced my activity, made sure to stop doing anything that may aggravate my back, and stopped going to the ‘pain specialist’ … sorry guys, no happy thoughts this time… this is a hot button issue… from now on, I plan to watch out for the evil pain, and maybe by some vodka… lots of vodka…

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

#WeAreStrongerThanMS

Finding My Words

The National Multiple Sclerosis Society has been sending out encouraging emails containing stories of strength… and it is strength to feel as if something you love has been taken from you… to feel lost, but to find ways to continue on…

I have always been a creative person, with half my mind taken up with artistic ideas… but in 2005 I felt as if MS had taken all that away… no more oil paints, or stories full of my wonderful words; no more charcoal sketches or cake decorations… without warning, my mind and body was hit with exacerbation after exacerbation… without the progression and symptoms that are common leading up to a diagnosis of MS, my doctors were scrambling to find a reason for my loss of vision, my inability to walk, my childlike confusion and forgetfulness, arms with minds of their own as they twitched and slammed my hands into everything in sight, etc… basically all things MS related, but instead of a growing list of symptoms, it seemed that everything was going wrong at the same time… within weeks, I was going down hill fast…

thankfully, a multitude of physicians came to give their opinions as they ran tests and viewed results, knowing that as a college student I had not insurance… I am very grateful to them all… it was a rapid decent, but they managed to get my lesions under control…

with the support of my mother, I relearned how to walk, talk, read, write, etc… but in the beginning, the only thing I had to entertain myself in world full of unrelenting boredom (reading confused and hurt my head, watching tv caused headaches, walking was difficult and painful, etc…) was my imagination… I made up stories to pass the time…

but what good were stories, when I couldn’t write them down, I couldn’t edit my words or construct a full sentences … with my mother’s help I grew from that childish mindset… she would sit for hours, doing art project… simple and easy projects like superglue and material to make a cork board pretty, beads and string to make jewelry, or even hand held games for younger kids… each idea she came up with helped me to work on my thought processes, and my hand eye coordination… slowly I was able to jot down notes, so I could remember where my story was going, I could record ideas (in short sentences), and when my head started to hurt, I could speak into my phone so that the speech-to-text option would write down my thoughts…

I still use the speech-to-text, but I also flip back and forth between writing long hand and typing… I have an awesome wrist brace so that MS joint pain doesn’t slow me down, and I know how to manage my projects… it is all about balance… just because I cannot type out my story doesn’t mean that I cannot get my words into the computer… using my cell phone, I can use the speech-to-text button and suddenly my phone is a voice recorder (only better) and then I can email my current chapter to myself… after some copy and pasting, my chapter has been added to my computer files…

when you have MS, it is important to find little work-arounds so that you don’t miss the things that mean the most to you… with help and determination, I was able to finally get my novel Shocking Finds published… and I have two others out to an indie publisher at Gone Writing Publishing to be considered as well…

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I never thought I would be able to think straight again, let alone complete a 110,000 word paranormal/fantasy romance novel… but no matter how long it took – and it was a good five years before I started feeling like a person again, and another three before I could edit my own work – I feel satisfaction and pride in myself each time someone tells me how much they enjoyed my book… MS was a horrible bump in the road for me, but I truly feel that becoming ill helped me to find my passion in life…

Happy wordage everyone… and never give up hope

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

 

Help change the World of MS…

I love this GIF, and felt like posting it a second time… but this post is about an upcoming MS event… Walk MS… you can find both Walk MS and Bike MS events in your area by following the links at the bottom of the post… We have five weeks and two days until the day of the Walk for my area… I will be upping my MS posts until in the meantime… sharing my own MS insanity…

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Starting Monday, March 7th, Fundraising week begins… From Bike MS to Walk MS, there are dozens of ways to show your support… there is even something called Challenge Walk MS… Last year I participated in Walk MS, I even attempted to join in the mile walk around the park… Hmmmmm… that didn’t go so well for me… last year, my walking abilities weren’t as on par as they are this year and I ended up running out of steam less than half way through… it wasn’t pretty… I had to cut through the park, there were tears and embarrassment, but once I calmed down and had a chat with my momma, I enjoyed cheering everyone else on as sat in the shade sweating as if I had just finished a triathlon…

This year the Walk in my area will be across the bridge in neighboring WV… I managed to attempt participating last year because it was downtown at the park… I doubt I will make it this year, but I wanted to give a shout out to everyone giving and participating in this cause…  I also want to participate as a virtual walker…

I have said that MS helped me to find my passion in life, but without the drugs, doctors, and therapies for this disease, MS would have taken my life long ago… it is the support and volunteers that make continued research and development possible… I am grateful to everyone giving their time, donations, or just their kind words… it is because of you that I will get to continue writing and living a life I never envisioned, but that I find small joys in every day… when it comes down to it, it isn’t the big events in life that matter… it is the small moments that mean the most…

If you want to give or join up at your local Walk/Bike MS (and did I mention that Shemar Moore joined in Bike MS last year… yummy… I mean thanks for calling attention to this cause) just …

CLICK HERE to head over to my donation page for this years walk

CLICK HERE to learn more about Walk MS…

CLICK HERE to learn more about Bike MS…

Thank you to everyone taking a moment to learn/give to this cause… and happy wordage everyone…. Tracey Clark

Find your Greatness

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There are a lot of moments in life that remind me of how I want to live my life with Multiple Sclerosis… moments that clearly say, ‘take what you have and make it amazing’… I saw this GIF and it just screamed ‘make the most of what you have’… just because we freeze up, stumble over our words, or stagger as we cross the room… we still have the potential to be great…

there are a lot of things that I have been forced to change how I approach them… and there are others that I am still working on, but I never quit… that is what needs to foremost in mine mind at all times… I have learned that being open and up front about the problems I face lessens the embarrassment I feel when I have a glitch in my mind and body… when I forget my words??? I now just say ‘words’ and those that know me, know that this means I am having trouble expressing myself… they move on and talk about something else, something that can talk about without stuttering… when I first got sick I would cry when I lost my words… and my tears would embarrass me even more…

or the fact that I couldn’t walk through the grocery store without pain and confusion.. that the harder I pushed myself to keep up with the crowd or the person I was with would cause the symptoms to get worse that much faster… now I just let everyone else rush around… if I am having a day that demands that I slow down, I slow down and move at my own pace… I may not get it done as quickly but it gets done… I make greatness in my own way…

Let’s Go Swimming

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Swimming has always been a therapeutic thing for me… but ever since I got sick, I have found that a warm bath will put me right to sleep… I swear, ten minutes in a nice warm tub and I am fast asleep… when I can’t sleep, I get in the tub and the next thing I know, it is ten in the morning… I spend hours in the watery bed… I prefer to call it swimming… lol… I don’t know if water does it for other Multiple Sclerosis patients, but for me it is my number one relaxation…

there are nights when my brain just won’t turn off… story ideas run through my mind, running loops through my internal hamster wheel… the only way to turn off the voices is to soak them out… lol… now, I hate edits, but I love to make up new stories… new ways for my characters to grow… right now, that is my Skymann family… I just got done running through some edits for the first book in the series, and off to the beta reader it flew… but that means there is room for the voices to start throwing out more ideas, more stories and characters…

But its about more than relaxing and brainstorming… the warmth of the tub has been my only escape from the pain in my legs and back when nothing else will work… miss firing electrons??? that’s what my doctors all say… I even went to a pain doctor, but she flat out said she didn’t like to treat MS patients because they can never get better… WTH??? So I will continue to soak and think, until the MS doctors realize that there are different types of pain for an MS patient, and only the patient can know what will and won’t work… (at least this is the way I see it for me)

there are the headaches that no amount of pain pill will help, though a vasodilator will relieve… (a pill that my doctors have chosen to stop prescribing, that god my headaches have become few and far between)… number two would be the joints and muscle pains… which I have found are better dealt with in a warm tub… it is a type of pain that reminds me of having the flu… everything aches… a warm bath helps…

and finally, there is the leg and back pain that makes me want to amputate something… it is a step above and beyond flu aches… it is an evil that refuses to go away… and something that has me spending eight hours in the bathtub… it is a pain that robs me of more sleep than any other internal voice could hope of stealing… and it is a pain that I know from experience responds to pain pills, but what do I know… its just my body…

flaming hair!!!

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My mother is a topic that I will bring up over and over… she is great… but my favorite stories are when she or I have done something hilarious… like the time she caught her hair on fire… what??? you don’t see how this can be funny… HA… I disagree…

she is my support system…. and always willing to go out and try the things on my MS wish list… one of which was a dinner theater… I had a great time, and purchased a number of dragon items… there were men on horseback and excellent food… not to mention the pina coladas … ymmmm

but by the end of the show both of our backs were killing us… mom has had a number of back surgeries and I???? MS strikes again… but she stuck it out so that I could experience my first dinner theater… on the way out, I wandered around looking at all the dragon art… *we had just been to dragoncon and they were in my head*

eventually mom needed to sit down, so I made myself pick between two of my favorite pieces… and then we went outside to wait for the cab (the car died by that is another story)

while we were waiting, I decided to run back in and get the other dragon piece… and left mom holding my cigarette … and her own… so I didn’t see what happened, but the retelling of it had me in stitches…

mom said she was holding the two cigs in one hand, while she bent forward to dig in her purse with the other… a shy looking Chinese woman pecked on her shoulder and said something that mom couldn’t understand… tired and hurting, mom said uh-huh, and went back to digging in her purse…

this is the point where a man from the group of about a dozen Chinese people came up and said ‘your hair on fire’… and they all burst into laughter … mom said she could hear them giggling all the way to their cars… lol…

she had held the cigs too close to her head while bending to get in her purse… see… smoking is dangerous…

 

 

 

 

PT is over

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Sooo… I didn’t really feel like PT was helping with my back pain anymore than it did the last time, but that  isn’t the reason that my PT came to an end… apparently SSI/Medicare only pays for six sessions and then you have to have the doctor ask for more time… But the PT guys said that they could also give me some exercises to do at home and a free month at the clinic (basically some exercise machines and a track)

I of course told him that I would take the home exercises because “this getting up at two in the afternoon is killing me” lol… and I am not even kidding… my sleep has been all over the place… to make matters worse, it is hard to sleep when your body is screaming at you (which mind likes to do after PT) and once I did fall asleep, getting back up is a pain… like pulling myself out of a coma… grr….

anywho… no more PT… more time to do Edits for book two… which I have decided to do at night, no matter how much I accomplish during the day, because it knocks me out…

okay, off to the land of edits… and probably a forced nap… happy wordage, tracey

don’t push yourself

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lol… this is so me… I tend to schedule my life with a lot of brakes in-between… or at least I try… the problem is that life doesn’t always cooperate … plus, there is a lot I would like to get done… sooo… how do you take breaks, schedule tasks, and accomplish everything on your wish list without causing your MS to throw up road blocks???

dang… that is a tough one, and something I haven’t found the answer to yet… the best I can do is make a list of all the things I want to do and then take it a day at a time… because, no matter how many schedules I make, the bottom line is that you either work with your MS or you will get nothing done…

recently, I seem to have forgotten this lesson… I pushed myself to make a bunch of bracelets and a neckless or two for Christmas… now, if I slow down and ignore my ocd need to make another and another, jewelry isn’t a problem… (as soon as I can get some pic, I will share some of mom Christmas jewelry)

but because I wanted to make sure that my mother had everything that I could possibly give her for Christmas, I ended up overdoing it… and my joints and muscles are still a bit achy a few weeks later… booo…

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this is a hard one for me to keep in mind but I continually try… and I can get more of what I want out of life, if I just remember to take it one day at a time… tomorrow is another day … a day that I might get to work on my edit, make the bracelet design I have in my head, work on my latest painting…. it might be the day that I feel like taking a walk, visiting a friend, or cook dinner for the first time in ages… it is all about your health and what you can do today…

WTH did I do??

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HA… you have got to be kidding me… I wish sleeping tricks worked on me, but so far, not so good… right now I am on cursing MS… did I mention that lack of sleep has a serious adverse affect on my nerves/personality??? It is really hard not to be snappy when you are hurting and/or in serious need of sleep…

What did I do to cause such back pain that I want to scream??? Well, I straightened the bedroom… anddddd… that’s it… halfway through I knew I was going to be in trouble, but it wasn’t like I could stop… I needed to more bedrooms so that my cousin could have a bed for her and her husband… besides… it used to be her room…

I am floating around homeless while my basement apartment had the floor torn up due to water damage… and I have been in Mom’s middle bedroom for the last week, but Christmas means cramming lots of people together… so I had to move… it doesn’t sound like a big deal, but my back is reminding me why I never clean… it freaking hurts…

and to add insult to injury, I had one doctor explain that I isn’t that something is wrong, it is merely that the lesions in my brain are sparking a reaction … kind of like a phantom pain… and therefore pain meds won’t help… even had a pain doctor admit (as she made me cry) that she didn’t like treating MS patients because they never got well… you couldn’t fix them…

to all this I have to say, bull shit… I know my body, and PHANTOM pain or not, a pain pill helps… if this is all in my head, I say, ‘find a way to deaden that particular batch of nerves’… there are certain pains that I know a pain pill will not help, but there are others that are helped greatly… I can tell when a headache is from an exasperation or when I just need some rest… I know the difference between stomach pain and acid reflux… and dang it, I know the difference between back pain and ‘its all in my head’… it is moments like this that I fear for my future as an MS patient…

but right now I am gonna cross my fingers and hope that the pain goes back into hiding… then I can nap before I head out to fam time, and later on it will be time for more editing of book two of the Finder’s Keepers series…

Happy wordage