Tag Archives: pain

My body, my pain!

For the most part, I agree with this… but not completely…

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I learned over time that there were different types of pain… just like there were different types of stomach upset… I mean… acid reflux may make you vomit but it has nothing to do with nausea problems… you don’t take Phenergan when there is acid climbing up your throat… and popping some Nexium will do nothing to help with sea sickness or constant vomiting…

So I knew that my headaches wouldn’t be helped by pain pills… but when my back hurt too much for me to stand up straight, a pain pill dulled the issue until I could function during the day… but a switch of doctors, a crack down on pain pills and I ended up with General Physician that refused to touch the issue of my back pain, and referred me to a pain specialist that flat out told me she didn’t like to treat MS patients because they never get better… WTF…

after three visits, where she managed to make me cry (damn MS emotions) all three times, I said ‘the hell with this’ … I reduced my activity, made sure to stop doing anything that may aggravate my back, and stopped going to the ‘pain specialist’ … sorry guys, no happy thoughts this time… this is a hot button issue… from now on, I plan to watch out for the evil pain, and maybe by some vodka… lots of vodka…

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

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#WeAreStrongerThanMS

Finding My Words

The National Multiple Sclerosis Society has been sending out encouraging emails containing stories of strength… and it is strength to feel as if something you love has been taken from you… to feel lost, but to find ways to continue on…

I have always been a creative person, with half my mind taken up with artistic ideas… but in 2005 I felt as if MS had taken all that away… no more oil paints, or stories full of my wonderful words; no more charcoal sketches or cake decorations… without warning, my mind and body was hit with exacerbation after exacerbation… without the progression and symptoms that are common leading up to a diagnosis of MS, my doctors were scrambling to find a reason for my loss of vision, my inability to walk, my childlike confusion and forgetfulness, arms with minds of their own as they twitched and slammed my hands into everything in sight, etc… basically all things MS related, but instead of a growing list of symptoms, it seemed that everything was going wrong at the same time… within weeks, I was going down hill fast…

thankfully, a multitude of physicians came to give their opinions as they ran tests and viewed results, knowing that as a college student I had not insurance… I am very grateful to them all… it was a rapid decent, but they managed to get my lesions under control…

with the support of my mother, I relearned how to walk, talk, read, write, etc… but in the beginning, the only thing I had to entertain myself in world full of unrelenting boredom (reading confused and hurt my head, watching tv caused headaches, walking was difficult and painful, etc…) was my imagination… I made up stories to pass the time…

but what good were stories, when I couldn’t write them down, I couldn’t edit my words or construct a full sentences … with my mother’s help I grew from that childish mindset… she would sit for hours, doing art project… simple and easy projects like superglue and material to make a cork board pretty, beads and string to make jewelry, or even hand held games for younger kids… each idea she came up with helped me to work on my thought processes, and my hand eye coordination… slowly I was able to jot down notes, so I could remember where my story was going, I could record ideas (in short sentences), and when my head started to hurt, I could speak into my phone so that the speech-to-text option would write down my thoughts…

I still use the speech-to-text, but I also flip back and forth between writing long hand and typing… I have an awesome wrist brace so that MS joint pain doesn’t slow me down, and I know how to manage my projects… it is all about balance… just because I cannot type out my story doesn’t mean that I cannot get my words into the computer… using my cell phone, I can use the speech-to-text button and suddenly my phone is a voice recorder (only better) and then I can email my current chapter to myself… after some copy and pasting, my chapter has been added to my computer files…

when you have MS, it is important to find little work-arounds so that you don’t miss the things that mean the most to you… with help and determination, I was able to finally get my novel Shocking Finds published… and I have two others out to an indie publisher at Gone Writing Publishing to be considered as well…

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I never thought I would be able to think straight again, let alone complete a 110,000 word paranormal/fantasy romance novel… but no matter how long it took – and it was a good five years before I started feeling like a person again, and another three before I could edit my own work – I feel satisfaction and pride in myself each time someone tells me how much they enjoyed my book… MS was a horrible bump in the road for me, but I truly feel that becoming ill helped me to find my passion in life…

Happy wordage everyone… and never give up hope

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

 

Help change the World of MS…

I love this GIF, and felt like posting it a second time… but this post is about an upcoming MS event… Walk MS… you can find both Walk MS and Bike MS events in your area by following the links at the bottom of the post… We have five weeks and two days until the day of the Walk for my area… I will be upping my MS posts until in the meantime… sharing my own MS insanity…

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Starting Monday, March 7th, Fundraising week begins… From Bike MS to Walk MS, there are dozens of ways to show your support… there is even something called Challenge Walk MS… Last year I participated in Walk MS, I even attempted to join in the mile walk around the park… Hmmmmm… that didn’t go so well for me… last year, my walking abilities weren’t as on par as they are this year and I ended up running out of steam less than half way through… it wasn’t pretty… I had to cut through the park, there were tears and embarrassment, but once I calmed down and had a chat with my momma, I enjoyed cheering everyone else on as sat in the shade sweating as if I had just finished a triathlon…

This year the Walk in my area will be across the bridge in neighboring WV… I managed to attempt participating last year because it was downtown at the park… I doubt I will make it this year, but I wanted to give a shout out to everyone giving and participating in this cause…  I also want to participate as a virtual walker…

I have said that MS helped me to find my passion in life, but without the drugs, doctors, and therapies for this disease, MS would have taken my life long ago… it is the support and volunteers that make continued research and development possible… I am grateful to everyone giving their time, donations, or just their kind words… it is because of you that I will get to continue writing and living a life I never envisioned, but that I find small joys in every day… when it comes down to it, it isn’t the big events in life that matter… it is the small moments that mean the most…

If you want to give or join up at your local Walk/Bike MS (and did I mention that Shemar Moore joined in Bike MS last year… yummy… I mean thanks for calling attention to this cause) just …

CLICK HERE to head over to my donation page for this years walk

CLICK HERE to learn more about Walk MS…

CLICK HERE to learn more about Bike MS…

Thank you to everyone taking a moment to learn/give to this cause… and happy wordage everyone…. Tracey Clark

Find your Greatness

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There are a lot of moments in life that remind me of how I want to live my life with Multiple Sclerosis… moments that clearly say, ‘take what you have and make it amazing’… I saw this GIF and it just screamed ‘make the most of what you have’… just because we freeze up, stumble over our words, or stagger as we cross the room… we still have the potential to be great…

there are a lot of things that I have been forced to change how I approach them… and there are others that I am still working on, but I never quit… that is what needs to foremost in mine mind at all times… I have learned that being open and up front about the problems I face lessens the embarrassment I feel when I have a glitch in my mind and body… when I forget my words??? I now just say ‘words’ and those that know me, know that this means I am having trouble expressing myself… they move on and talk about something else, something that can talk about without stuttering… when I first got sick I would cry when I lost my words… and my tears would embarrass me even more…

or the fact that I couldn’t walk through the grocery store without pain and confusion.. that the harder I pushed myself to keep up with the crowd or the person I was with would cause the symptoms to get worse that much faster… now I just let everyone else rush around… if I am having a day that demands that I slow down, I slow down and move at my own pace… I may not get it done as quickly but it gets done… I make greatness in my own way…

Let’s Go Swimming

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Swimming has always been a therapeutic thing for me… but ever since I got sick, I have found that a warm bath will put me right to sleep… I swear, ten minutes in a nice warm tub and I am fast asleep… when I can’t sleep, I get in the tub and the next thing I know, it is ten in the morning… I spend hours in the watery bed… I prefer to call it swimming… lol… I don’t know if water does it for other Multiple Sclerosis patients, but for me it is my number one relaxation…

there are nights when my brain just won’t turn off… story ideas run through my mind, running loops through my internal hamster wheel… the only way to turn off the voices is to soak them out… lol… now, I hate edits, but I love to make up new stories… new ways for my characters to grow… right now, that is my Skymann family… I just got done running through some edits for the first book in the series, and off to the beta reader it flew… but that means there is room for the voices to start throwing out more ideas, more stories and characters…

But its about more than relaxing and brainstorming… the warmth of the tub has been my only escape from the pain in my legs and back when nothing else will work… miss firing electrons??? that’s what my doctors all say… I even went to a pain doctor, but she flat out said she didn’t like to treat MS patients because they can never get better… WTH??? So I will continue to soak and think, until the MS doctors realize that there are different types of pain for an MS patient, and only the patient can know what will and won’t work… (at least this is the way I see it for me)

there are the headaches that no amount of pain pill will help, though a vasodilator will relieve… (a pill that my doctors have chosen to stop prescribing, that god my headaches have become few and far between)… number two would be the joints and muscle pains… which I have found are better dealt with in a warm tub… it is a type of pain that reminds me of having the flu… everything aches… a warm bath helps…

and finally, there is the leg and back pain that makes me want to amputate something… it is a step above and beyond flu aches… it is an evil that refuses to go away… and something that has me spending eight hours in the bathtub… it is a pain that robs me of more sleep than any other internal voice could hope of stealing… and it is a pain that I know from experience responds to pain pills, but what do I know… its just my body…

flaming hair!!!

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My mother is a topic that I will bring up over and over… she is great… but my favorite stories are when she or I have done something hilarious… like the time she caught her hair on fire… what??? you don’t see how this can be funny… HA… I disagree…

she is my support system…. and always willing to go out and try the things on my MS wish list… one of which was a dinner theater… I had a great time, and purchased a number of dragon items… there were men on horseback and excellent food… not to mention the pina coladas … ymmmm

but by the end of the show both of our backs were killing us… mom has had a number of back surgeries and I???? MS strikes again… but she stuck it out so that I could experience my first dinner theater… on the way out, I wandered around looking at all the dragon art… *we had just been to dragoncon and they were in my head*

eventually mom needed to sit down, so I made myself pick between two of my favorite pieces… and then we went outside to wait for the cab (the car died by that is another story)

while we were waiting, I decided to run back in and get the other dragon piece… and left mom holding my cigarette … and her own… so I didn’t see what happened, but the retelling of it had me in stitches…

mom said she was holding the two cigs in one hand, while she bent forward to dig in her purse with the other… a shy looking Chinese woman pecked on her shoulder and said something that mom couldn’t understand… tired and hurting, mom said uh-huh, and went back to digging in her purse…

this is the point where a man from the group of about a dozen Chinese people came up and said ‘your hair on fire’… and they all burst into laughter … mom said she could hear them giggling all the way to their cars… lol…

she had held the cigs too close to her head while bending to get in her purse… see… smoking is dangerous…

 

 

 

 

PT is over

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Sooo… I didn’t really feel like PT was helping with my back pain anymore than it did the last time, but that  isn’t the reason that my PT came to an end… apparently SSI/Medicare only pays for six sessions and then you have to have the doctor ask for more time… But the PT guys said that they could also give me some exercises to do at home and a free month at the clinic (basically some exercise machines and a track)

I of course told him that I would take the home exercises because “this getting up at two in the afternoon is killing me” lol… and I am not even kidding… my sleep has been all over the place… to make matters worse, it is hard to sleep when your body is screaming at you (which mind likes to do after PT) and once I did fall asleep, getting back up is a pain… like pulling myself out of a coma… grr….

anywho… no more PT… more time to do Edits for book two… which I have decided to do at night, no matter how much I accomplish during the day, because it knocks me out…

okay, off to the land of edits… and probably a forced nap… happy wordage, tracey