Tag Archives: writing

That pill does what?

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So… a while ago, I complained about peeing on myself. Oh course, I blamed it on the MS. I had heard about that little surprise, and assumed that it was just another MS downer. But that didn’t mean that I remained silent and accepted it as my lot in life. Nope.

I complained to my doctors, I shared my whoos with friends, family, and you all. I am real big on sharing what you feel ashamed of, embarrassed of. It is amazing the amount of support you get, how all the shame lifts, and the number of people willing to then share their own similar stories.

Doctors on the other hand, they were a big let down. I got tired of feeling ignored when I said, “I have been peeing on myself. And I’m not talking about ‘whoops, there went a dribble’, nooooooo…. I am talking great big water falls”…. but nothing. But then my cousin (a PA, Doctor’s Assistant) was running through all the things that she knew that could cause my latest problem, and one of the things I could double check myself was meds.

I realized that my peeing issue had begun after I started taking a sleeping pill (doctor prescribed), and I immediately stopped taking the pill (TraZODone). Within the week I no longer had to jump on a pillow, a blanket… anything washable really… so that I could was out the urine without pulling up the floor. And when I had a visit with the doctor that prescribed the evil pill, and I explained all this to him, what did he say???

“Oh, yeah… that happens sometimes!”

What the hell… sooo…. beware my peeps… if you are having issues, check your meds… don’t just accept your fate, check the side affects on your meds. I don’t know about you guys but I would rather lose sleep than soak my bed.

Now I am back to editing my next novel.

check out my latest novel, Twin Findings – Finder’s Keepers, book 3

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Hmmmm I wonder???

Okay… the other day, I posted a few pic of famous peeps that have MS…. but that night, my body fell apart and stopped to wonder if I should have run the post… lol… okay, what I really wondered was where were their stories of breakdowns…

I want to read the stories that scream “Hey, they are just like me…” not another, just keep trying and reaching for your goals… I want the story about how they carry a change of clothes with them at all times in case bladder issues crop up… that would make sense to me…

what the heck brought this on, you ask??? lol… late night disaster… and it all started with a drink of diet coke… my favorite drink in the world… yep, I am addicted…

as happens from time to time, my lovely diet coke decided to go down my wind pipe and into the forbidden area of my lungs… not cool… but unlike usual, this time I couldn’t hack the stuff back up… and breathing was seriously becoming an issue… and if that wasn’t bad enough, I had to run for the restroom because the hacking had my abdominal muscles squeezing my bladder… ( and all of this from a sound sleep… I had woken up coughing, and taken a drink to sooth my throat… which soooo  didn’t work )

so a I make it safe and sound to the restroom, but no air ups the anti on my hacking, which lead to vomit… yep, you heard me… but at that point, the toilet was occupy so that my bladder did decide to go haywire… there was nothing for me to do, but to lean in the direction of the tub…. but I leaned a little too far…

needless to say, I ended up peeing in the floor after all my hard work … and to add insult to injury, I had already thrown up in the tub… the thing didn’t dirty was the toilet… it was as I cleaned the bathroom (thankfully able to finally breathe) to within an inch of its life, that I stopped to wonder where the news posts about these famous MS peeps were when they had to make a mad dash for the bathroom… because you know it has to happen… it is a horrible part of life…

the next day, I was feeling blue… and doubt and depression were filling my thoughts… “why continue writing, or painting, or going through the day to day motions???” … but then I opened my email and saw that I had a new review for my first novel…

By
This review is from: Shocking Finds: A Finder’s Keeper Novel (Paperback)
Judging by the author bio at the back of this book, Tracey Clark is obviously a very bubbly and charismatic personality, and this is evident in her writing style from the very beginning to the end of this entertaining Fantasy novel. Her storytelling technique immediately pulls the reader into her world of Fae who struggle to live in the everyday real world. This approach intrigued me right away because there was not too much out-of-this-world Fantasy to get familiar with, and the situation of the main character, Marin, not even knowing that she is a Fae Princess with tremendous powers also adds to the suspense and interest as the story unfolds.
Another prominent and positive feature of this book is that the author skilfully expresses thoughts and feelings from the two main characters: Marin and the man she is destined to be with, Kyland. In fact, this novel is also a beautiful, deep and intense love story, quite apart from the problems caused by Fae curses and helping Marin to understand and believe who she really is.
This book sets the scene for more books to come, and it is quite a lengthy book which took me some time to read, mainly because the writing style is engaging but also intense at times, so that you cannot skim through or skip anything. It is an involving read, but a very rewarding one for both Fantasy and Romance lovers alike, and I’ll be looking out for the sequel to this book!
It was a small thing, but reading this review helped pull me out of my way… I love getting these (and thankfully I have yet to get a bad review)… they are uplifting to me… and mean more to me than my readers will ever know… alrighty… that’s all for now… 😛 later MS peeps…

The new me…

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this is sooooo very true… no matter how upbeat I try to be, I still have moments of regret and mourning… I miss the girl that could do anything, that could and would jump first and ask questions later, that knew no fear and would try just because she was told it was impossible… I miss the way she saw the world, the way she yearned to climb higher and swim deeper…

although I know that that girl is still inside me, urging me to find a way, I now have to temper her where I used to let her run free… now we are forced to work with and around restrictions…

RESTRICTIONS… one of the ugliest words in the English language… while I have found ways to work on my art and my writing, it is the outside world that still needs a work-around or two… I know this post seems relatively down for me, but I blame the heat… it is as the temperature continues to cook my spinal cords and brain cells that I am forced to admit that MS is hard to accepts, to live with…

so now that I have vented, I plan to look for more ways to let the girl from Yesterday come out to play a little more… not really sure what that means, but surely there is a way…

she and I have been working on keychains for the RRBC Block party… there are still a few days left to win some prizes… in fact, my book site Finder’s Keepers Series will be one of the blogs on the 29th… with the winner picking between my bracelets, earrings, and the new keychains as their prize…

Blog Party 1

but that is all indoors fun… my lost half is itching to do something outdoors… maybe someday I will figure out a way to let her come out to play

Warm and Worn

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I don’t know about you guys, but I am soooooo ready for fall… I swear that the oxygen is beginning to evaporate because of this outrageous heat… omg…

I had to run out to the post office to mail out a prize for the RRBC Block Party and the heat was out of control… the car temp (which I truly hope was broken – on my 2016 car… almost a year old… ??? that’s long enough for things to start breaking… right???) well it told me that it was 101 degrees out… which is just wrong on soooooo many levels… but the prize wasn’t gonna mail itself… there was nothing to do but to drip my way to the counter… (omg – the sweat)

hopefully it will cool down out there by the time I’m forced to make that trip again… the heat has been zapping my energy and will to ??? well, to do anything ready… the amount of movement it takes to get out of bed already has me broken out in salty, dripping sweat… it is impossible to think straight when you are constantly cursing the salty tears burning your eyes…

but sopping wet and blood shot eyes, I managed to get my winner’s package sent… lol… which reminds me, if you guys want to win some goodies, the RRBC Back to School Block Party… every day this month there are chances to win prizes on the awesome blogs signed up to participate… bloggers, authors, and all manner of fun peeps… in fact, I did a stop on my author blog – Finder’s Keepers – Author Tracey Clark– on aug 5th, and will be doing another stop on aug 29th over on my book blog – Finders Keepers Series… woo who… come have some fun… and remember to head to RRBC to check the line up each day for new chances…

 Blog Party 1

Nudist Colony here I come…

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I’m meltinggggggg…….. I’m melting… when to the store with mom and she suddenly looks at me, head cocked to the side and asks “Your shirt is wet. Is that sweat under your breasts?”

“Why… yes, yes it is. and thank you for calling attention to the matter….” we were in the middle of Wal-Mart… looking at bras… lol… I felt like promising the sales attendant that I wouldn’t try anything on…

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(well… that pic could mean something completely different… but it was the closest one I could find to what I wanted… )

even if I did move to a nudist colony, I would still run around covered in sweat, my head swelling from the heat… I need shade, a strong breeze and as little clothing as is acceptable… I swear, this heat makes me want to be a man… then I could run around with flip-flops and shorts on, and nothing else… sure, some places demand a shirt and shoes before they will serve ya, but that is what wife beater tees are for…

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unless I can locate one in Antarctica…omg I am burning up… lol… I think I will start sitting on piles of ice throughout the day… in college (due to roommate fights and the heat in the room when someone left the heater on in summer) I would take ice cold bathes before bed, drop my body temperature low enough that I didn’t have time to overheat before I feel asleep… this weather has me eyeballing the tub and thinking about making a run to the store for a bag of ice…

and just think peeps, the worst is yet to come… lets all move north…

but inside with the AC I am cool enough to work on my books… just finished/published the second book in my Finder’s Keepers series… woo who… urban fantasy romance…

if you want book info sign up for my author Newsletter

and keep cool… I’m off for some ice chips and some edits…

whistle while you work

MS month is almost at a close…

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lol… I love this… MS cuteness…

Multiple Sclerosis does make us Clumsy, Sleepy, Achy, Shaky, Forgetful, Grouchy, and Dopey… but that is not all we are…

my brain may be full of holes, but it still works (mostly… lol) and I am still able to dream and come up with new worlds for my novels… and that’s the point… emotions and outward appearances aside, we all have dreams… and if you are willing to work to find a way to achieve your dreams, there is still hope… life is just different for us…

when I work on my novels, I am always reclined in a soft motorized bed or a recliner… I am not bent over a desk… I wouldn’t last out an hour if I tried to sit and work at a desk, no matter how comfortable the desk chair…

the few times I have the energy to cook (I love cooking) I move slower, and mom bought some cushions for me to stand on while at the stove…

when I work on typing, writing long hand, painting, or one of the other various crafts I enjoy, I have a brace that refuses to allow my wrist to move… my joints hurt like I have carpal tunnel if I use too many repetitive movements… but with the brace, I can last as long as I want… (at least until my brain gets tired and hits the off switch)

What are your dreams, what do you want to do but have given up on because of MS… if you can’t see a way around the problem, reach out to they folks at the national Multiple Sclerosis Society HERE … if they don’t already know the answer, I’m sure they will work with you to find one… and remind all your friends and family that this is MS Month… lets raise money to find a cure… and support each other however we can…

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

 

Huh… what’d ya say??

lol… I didn’t think this one would apply to me, but it turns out I was wrong… I have been known for selective deafness from time to time… when it comes down to get in an all out slug fest or just ignore, ignore, ignore??? deafness is very useful…

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other than an annoying ringing every once in a while, my hearing has remained as sharp as ever… and other than ignoring someone that is pissing me off, I might lose track of the conversation if I am getting board… I can’t help it; my mind just wonders…

it is also hard to concentrate on a conversation if I am feeling preoccupied… my mind just refuses to focus on what is being said… sometimes I actually feel like shaking my head, as if the will help me focus on the here and now… for the most part, I actually enjoy being in my own little world of writing and reading… yeah, yeah, yeah… I need to work on that… being social is a part of being human… but dang if it isn’t difficult…

and finally, sometimes it just looks like I’m not listening… but actually I am processing what is being said… this makes mom aggravated sometimes… but when I try to answer too quickly, the first word out of my mouth is always ‘huh…’ I don’t do this consciously… it is like my mind is giving me time to understand what was being said to me, and my mouth throws out the questioning huh before I even know what is going on… but I heard you… and I will answer as soon as I can… 😛 see… aggravating… lol

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

Testing out the waters…

 

8d11544e96509eff0e5d8f1ba47aed5fI want to be confident and sure… but there is that little bit of doubt in the back of my mind, telling me that no matter what I do, no matter how many people tell me they enjoy my stories, and no matter how often the urge to continue putting my words on paper hits me, I am doing the wrong thing… it may be the dreaded writer’s doubt/depression, but I also have to contend with the MS blues… no one can keep a smile on their face 24/7… but what I really think it is, is fear… FEAR…

What if I go to a book signing and freeze up??? What if no one buys my books??? What if I do it wrong, or say the wrong thing???

Damn shyness… I hate being shy… I know that once I get to know someone, I come alive… but at a book signing I will be floundering for purchase… if I have someone I know with me (Assistant), at least I will feel comfortable with them, but the purpose of a book signing is to interact with reader… AKA: Strangers… Gulp… Forget freezing up, I just hope I don’t throw up… And if I can manage to open my mouth, I know there will be some books bought… every month, people are picking up copies of Shocking Finds in eBook (kindle), but I don’t see those people… I don’t speak with them face to face…

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Amazon

(check out my book website for other buy links for stores other than Amazon)

I have signed up to be a part of three book signings this year… it will be my first year participating in the frightening process… yep… you readers out there scare the hell out of me… lol

But forget about doubt and fear, forget about shyness… What if my MS acts up, and I embarrass myself in front of all those people that I want to be entertained by my work??? What if I have an exacerbation and start bawling in the middle of one of the crowded rooms??? What if I sweat so much that I look like a drowned rat and no one wants to come near me, and therefore no one buys my books??? What if —

What if I miss this opportunity???

There will always be doubt, fear and shyness… and MS will always be a part of my day to day life… and there are a lot of questions that I will only be able to answer once I have survived the trials… The one thing I know for sure… I refuse to miss an opportunity no matter what I have to face… Therefore, I plan to be that girl sweating profusely, face red in embarrassment, and stumbling over her words at three signing events, if not more…

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Wild in West Virginia

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Imaginarium Convention

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Rebels and Readers Author Event

That’s one event in hot weather, and two in relatively cool/cold weather… that should give me a feel for what I will be up against… and yes, this is war… lol… me against my MS and shyness… but if I managed to do solos in high school, I know that I can do this… when we love doing something in private, showing the results to the world can be difficult… but then, nothing worth doing is ever easy… 😛 or so I will continue to tell myself… Happy wordage everyone

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

 

Swag insanity

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Swag away peeps… muhahaha… this is an idea I saw on Pinterest… and mom bought me a book of bead ideas… I hope to have a large number of free gifts (swag for writers) to hand out when I go to the Rebels and Readers author signing event Nov 5, 2016… I will be there as one of the signing authors… this is my first signing… I am excited and freaked the heck out… and I just know that I will be embarrassed as I sit there sweating like a hog… but this MS chick will push through…

I plan on having a comfortable chair, and running for the hills at the first sign of a headache… lol… Just kidding… I will pack my head in ice if I have to, I will do at least one book signing… if all goes well, I will plan on others… and of course, I will follow my publishers directions… if she wants me to go to other signings, then away I will go…

arts and crafts are part of the way I deal with my MS… it keeps my mind working, and gives me something to do when I can’t read or write (my true loves)

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

Feeling Twitchy

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lol… this has been a biiiiggggg issue… I call my spastic movements ‘twitches’… but mostly it affects my arms… I have accidentally hit people and object more often than I can count… but the height of the spastic life has to be the time I threw my drink in my own face… OMG… Diet coke right to the face…

the involuntary movements have been less frequent in the past few years, but when I first got sick it was horrible… it eventually got to the point where I could feel them coming on… if I tried to hold on to the feeling and stop it, the feeling became quite painful… but then, it could also be painful to just let the ‘twitch’ happen…

I busted my knuckles on the driver side window just about every time I got in the car… or, you know… the passenger… 😛 Just go with it MS peeps, and always stand next to people you dislike … and for the love of mud, be careful while drinking…

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

One step at a time

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This is true for everyone out there… we all walk our own path in this world, but as an MS gal this statement really hits home…

just because we can’t walk as fast, or as far in one setting, as others doesn’t mean that we are unable to do and live… we will reach our goals, it just might take us a little longer than Norms… Norm = your average healthy human on the planet *sorry guys… I write Paranormal/fantasy romance… there are a lot of Norms in my world 😛 *

Take a breath, slow down, and make your own way… it took me a long time to accept that I wouldn’t been doing things in the same way that I had taken for granted my entire life… Even when I started to feel a little more human, I had lost a lot of the things I loved but believed that would always be there… so what if I had all these stories in my mind??? so what if I could draw and paint??? so what if cooking a gourmet meal came with ease??? So what if I loved softball and could any wild pop up thrown my way???

These things were there but always in the back of my mind… Then it was all gone, along with the basics… writing, reading, speaking, walking… etc, etc, etc… As I started getting the basics back, I wanted to jump to the finish line… I wanted to be the person I used to be… If my talents weren’t coming back, then I wanted to shop and cook a simple dinner… I wanted to live… to have a purpose…

It was only through my writing (when the ability came back) that I finally managed to find a purpose… I still can’t deal with numbers (and for a former mathematics major, that was a huge hit) and answering questions are extremely difficult… but I can make things up with the best of them… lol… if I can entertain even one person with my stories, I have a purpose…

If you want to cook??? but a recliner in the kitchen… save up and get those soft cooking mats for professionals… keep trying to find your own way… who cares if your kitchen looks like a high school door, you can do your prep and mixing from a comfortable position… 😛

Just remember to take your steps one at a time… and if it causes you pain, then do your best to find a way around the problem… happy wordage everyone, Tracey Clark

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

Keep trying

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Isn’t that the truth… if I do too many things, too many days in a row, then I am sooooo tired … And in pain…. I need days to recuperate… it’s really hard to work around this MS detail of day to day life, but most of the time I can… but this means that scheduling too many activities in advance is a bad idea… or is it…

When I went to DragonCon (think costumes, writers, actors, conventions) I knew that just walking around and taking part in the insanity wouldn’t happen… but there were a lot of authors I wanted to see, and a bunch of writing workshops that interested me… soooo what did I do??? I took a chance… I signed up for all the workshops that caught my eye… If I could make it, then I went… And when I needed to rest or sleep in, it was disappointing, but I did…

But planning and resting is all well and good… that doesn’t mean that I didn’t overdo… yep… I wanted to go and see one of my favorite authors at one of the talks… problem was, I was exhausted… totally wiped out… Still, I went… I even sat up front… I mean, right up front… Where all those people I looked up to could see me… And what happened you ask??? A 110 percent fatigue … I tried, i really did… but no matter how hard I tried to keep my eyes open, I passed out… and then my body would do that thing where it jerks awake because you are about to crash face first into a your desk, or your about to fall out of your chair… *clears throat… ahem… cough, cough…* oh, look… my cheeks are red…

so I keep jerking awake just as I was about to fall off my seat… sitting right in front of Laurell K. Hamilton and Jim Butcher… I was embarrassed beyond belief… And what did I do about this embarrassment???

I made sure to catch the next time they were scheduled to talk, the next day… oh, I was still embarrassed but that didn’t stop me… I did however make sure not to sit in the front row… lol… and this time I was wide awake and I had a marvelous time…

always keep trying… and never give up…

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

MS Peeps Join Forces

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I found this on Pinterest… and it reminded me of my life… or of what I want my life to be… I want to make something out of the impossible… Multiple Sclerosis hits each and every person differently… sure there are a lot of similarities, but the extent and the angle of attack seems to always be different…

when I first got sick, I was reduced to the mindset of a toddler… ten years later, I feel as if I have rebuilt myself… I still have a ways to go, but the very fact that I was able to write and complete a novel, that I have a number of others in the works??? this amazes me… and I am grateful… I don’t want anyone to think that my complaints diminish the triumphs I have had…

sure… I still have trouble with Q&A, and with understanding and retaining the research necessary in the writing world… a dozen questions that require me to follow and understand enough to give a cogent answer??? that is a situation that still cause me to become upset as become confused and start to stutter, and then there are the headaches that pop up if I push myself to far…

and the eye crossing research??? an hour of attempting to look up and understand the information on my computer screen also puts me to sleep… when I need to edit or look up some facts, I spend an hour surfing the web, and then I am out like a light for three – five hours… I don’t have a choice… which drives me crazy… why in the world would my body drop off to sleep (aka coma) when most nights I have trouble getting my mind to shut down… I mean, its crazy… I drop off as if I have been drugged… but after a few days of narcolepsy, I and finished, and can rest up for the fun stuff…

it sounds crazy that I need to rest up, but a few days of trying to understand and jot down information feels like my mind has run a 20k… it is down right exhausting… and I feel the weakness in my entire body… thank heavens, when it comes to just making stuff up, my mind works a lot better… too bad I can’t just write my rough drafts and let someone else do the research and edits… (for free of course, since writers are the poorest of poor people…)

on a happy note, I went back to the local writers group… think AA for work-aholics… and there is a new member… and another lover of words that suffers from MS… together we can put our deteriorating brains together and rule the world… muahahahahahaha

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Wear your sweat with pride

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OMG… Hot weather and my sweat glands sooo do not get along… I melt like an ice cube in 110 degree heat… I hate it… it is sooo embarrassing to be standing in the middle of a group of people enjoying the breezy 70 degree weather, and there I am in shorts and tank top, and flip flops… drowning in sweat… Sweat that increases with anger, tears, and especially anxiety… Anxiety that hits me at every turn…

I am doing so much better these days, but I still become confused at the drop of a hat… and that causes??? you guessed it… Anxiety…

And explaining to people that I may need for them to repeat instructions multiple times causes??? YEP!!! Anxiety….

Large crowds, meeting new people, asking questions, making phone calls, making a speech…. ???? …. Anxiety, Anxiety, Anxiety, Anxiety, ANXIETY…

but on the positive side… when I first got diagnosed I couldn’t even leave the house without my temperature sky rocketing, and my lesions firing up causing a flare up (exacerbation) which manifested in headaches that brought me to tears and caused my out of control emotions to screaming/ crying tantrums… Which caused embarrassment… which caused??? OMG…. more Anxiety…

I had to spend the first three years or more in one room that had a window air conditioner on top of the central cooling system… when I was first diagnosed, I kept my hospital room sooooo cold that the nurses actually grabbed a jacket before entering… lol… and yes, I was there long enough for the staff to know that my room would be freezing…

Plus side… I have been out in 80 degrees (sweating) without a headache… so I will take that as an improvement…

*As for that perfect world where the temperature is always perfect… that would be San Francisco… Mom took me there in the early days because it was on the list of dream vacations… if you have severe heat issues, vaca in San Fran… it is wonderful… these days, I enjoy a little heat when it is horribly cold… I might even need a jacket if I ever go back…

PT is over

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Sooo… I didn’t really feel like PT was helping with my back pain anymore than it did the last time, but that  isn’t the reason that my PT came to an end… apparently SSI/Medicare only pays for six sessions and then you have to have the doctor ask for more time… But the PT guys said that they could also give me some exercises to do at home and a free month at the clinic (basically some exercise machines and a track)

I of course told him that I would take the home exercises because “this getting up at two in the afternoon is killing me” lol… and I am not even kidding… my sleep has been all over the place… to make matters worse, it is hard to sleep when your body is screaming at you (which mind likes to do after PT) and once I did fall asleep, getting back up is a pain… like pulling myself out of a coma… grr….

anywho… no more PT… more time to do Edits for book two… which I have decided to do at night, no matter how much I accomplish during the day, because it knocks me out…

okay, off to the land of edits… and probably a forced nap… happy wordage, tracey

Scorpion attacks… muhahaha

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Warning my MS peeps… I love Scorpion, but man oh man, I cried like a devastated child when Walter’s sister Megan died… I could see it coming but a part of me kept hoping that Walter would find something to make her better, to prolong her life… I wasn’t blind… I didn’t think their would be a cure… the show is all about science and what is known… and if a MS cure had been found I would have heard the news from my doctor…

I followed the show for weeks, each episode making it clear that Megan was getting worse… but when the death scene came, the reality of my disease hit me hard… I cried the kind of tears that take your breath away, that leave you sobbing and unable to see through the waterworks… when I finally calmed down, I went upstairs to Mom’s room and warned her… she said ‘oh, Tracey, you shouldn’t watch that show’… to which I replied (okay, I stated balling again and might have screamed) ‘It’s not like they can kill her again’ lol…

I wasn’t laughing in the moment, but looking at the events from the outside it is pretty funny… Okay, my sense of humor is a little screwed up… 😛 But good news… I watched the episode following ‘the Megan death scene’ and I wasn’t thrown into racking sobs… soooo, all good 😛

it must be love

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lol… this is soooo true… I have said repeatedly that I am editing the second book of my Finder’s Keepers series…. what I may have failed to mention is how… but hey… I probably feel asleep… confused yet???

well this is the long and short of it… I wake up, wait for my mind and body to come back online, and then eat or wash my face… then it is time to edit… always with the dang edits… but the part I left out?? after an hour or so (sometimes less) my eyes get heavy and my dang MS lesion filled mind says “what the heck are you doing? more importantly why is it taking so long? WE’RE TIRED” and then my eyes close weather I want them to or not… yep… like I am competing with a narcoleptic I pass out…

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then it starts all over again… I have to wake back up and wait for my body and mind to get with the program… this morning alone, I when through this process three times…

this tells me that I must love this novel, and the world it brings to life… and that I want to share my stories with the world, because believe you me, it is a heck of a lot easier to write the story than it is to edit it… I could make stuff up til the cows come home no problem, and no passing out… but processing information when I edit or research and boy or boy, I am in for a million naps…

I truly hope that Twin Findings: Book Two, Finder’s Keepers is completely ready soon… so that I can share it with y’all… and yes that is the title I have settled on… Twin Findings…

cross your fingers and wish me luck… happy wordage, Tracey

Author Tracey Clark

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Howdy all… this is Tracey Clark here… I am a country twang gal from Kentucky… I also live with MS… Diagnosed in 2005, I went through years of being lost… when I first got sick, the MS came on hard and nearly killed me… the doctors didn’t know why I could walk, they didn’t know why I wasn’t blind… I had trouble walking, talking, writing, making sense and understanding what was going on around me…

When the doctors came in to my hospital room and told me that they would have to drill into my brain if the steroids didn’t shrink the ‘spots’ showing up on my MRI, I happy said ‘Okay, but can you check on my mommy, she keeps crying’… when I first got sick, it happened so fast and without previous incidents (normal flare-ups where the legions cause falls, sight problems, speech and walking issues… basically everything that was happening to me all at once) … this caused some confusion… the doctors tested for everything… and finally decided that it had to be either MS or brain cancer… ergo, if the ‘spots’ on my MRI didn’t shrink from liquid IV filled with steroids, then it had to be brain cancer and needed to be biopsied …

Because of my addled mind, I felt and acted like a toddler… and like a toddler, I wanted my mom happy, and I knew that she and the other adults could fix anything… all I wanted was yummy food and gifts… when well wishers would come to visit, they would ask what we all ask in this situations… was there anything they could do for me??? and I would answer ‘You could bring me a present!’… I told one of my aunts that I wanted a pony, and I told my mother that I needed a stuffed teddy…

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And when the doctor checked my sugar, the steroids had jumped it up to 400… she looked at me and said, ‘don’t worry… it’s okay for your sugar to get higher than 400 every once and awhile’… HA… biggggggg lie… but then, they all thought that I would die…

But here I am… MS kills, it confuses, and it changes on a dime… I can’t tell anyone with finite answers just exactly how I have managed to survive or why I am doing as well as I am… what I can do is share what I have gone through, and what I have done… hopefully, my words will help in some way… I am a firm believer that the only way to fight fear is to unmask the unknown… living with, or knowing someone with MS is frightening… so let’s talk about it…

One of the ways I coped in the beginning was to do arts and crafts… mom would sit on the bed and make beaded jewelry with me… the motions of getting the elastic string through the tiny bead hole helped my motor functions… childish games on a handheld PSP helped with understanding and processing… *push A button and your player jumps, push B button and your player runs* that kind of thing… and always, always…. I immediately stopped what I was doing if  my head started to hurt… but most of all, I made up stories….

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When I first fell ill, writing a complete story was beyond me… I would just day-dream of different worlds and characters… about five years later, I started to get a little better at writing down my thoughts… when the MS first took hold, I couldn’t even write down my own name… being able to write down short sentences/basic information was a big step up… Now, ten years later, I have my first book baby published… Writing is a big part of hope I coped with my MS, and now I can share my stories with others.. hopefully my second novel will be published in 2016… I believe that having hobbies/something to focus on helped my brain to reroute the processes that I had lost… even healthy people can benefit from hobbies/crafts/arts…. but the brain is a marvelous thing…. give it something to do and see what happens….

Happy wordage everyone…. Tracey Clark

if you would like to read more about ME… head on over to my author’s site and enjoy…. 😛

Author Tracey Clark‘s Site

to find out more about my books go to the Finder’s Keepers Series blog

MS News

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Exactly… lol… let’s just say that it is a good thing that i write while in a comfortable position…

I love my words, and I love the worlds and characters that I am able to create, buuuutttt…. the dang edits knock me on my arse… about an hour, that’s all I get… then my eyes get heavy, my eyes start to cross, and between one breath and the next I am out like a light… I wake up a few hours later (lucky if my laptop hasn’t crashed to the floor) and go back to my edits… Writing saved my life, and helped me to cope with all the losses when I was first diagnosed… there was a lot that i couldn’t do for years… but luckily, i had my stories… at first i couldn’t write or type… but I could imagine and dream up stories to tell myself… It took about five years before I could finish writing a sentence without passing out, and or crying with a headache… It has taken a lot of time, but for now, I can write and come up with story after story… now if I could only pass off the edits to someone else… lol…

no one seems to get it… the phrase ‘just lay down when you get tired’ is hurtful and completely missing the point… the point being that I don’t have time to slid into bed, I don’t have time to put my computer in a safe place, and I definitely don’t have time uncross my eyes… 😛 my brain looks at those continuous edits and says ‘nope, no more, I’m leaving’

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When I do catch on quick enough to the fact that my brain has had enough (and I’m not just bored to death with edit), I can try to change tracks… stop editing and move on to one of my craft projects… It isn’t that I hate edits, it is the process of cognitive input… for some reason, I can make up stories and write blogs until the cows come home, but ask me to research or fill out a questionnaire… that’s when my brain starts to get cross… hmph…

As for going off to bed for a catnap??? Who wants to be in bed all the time? If I stopped everything to take a nap every time there was even a hint of exhaustion, I would be in bed 70% of the time… booo… I already feel like I missed ten years of my life while I was dealing with my disease… I was hit hard when I was diagnosed… one moment I was a 25 year old college student and the next I was in a hospital bed, acting like a five year old… Why I got better, I don’t know… I just know that Multiple Sclerosis can throw a person into blindness, but that days or months, or even years, your sight can come back… which to me means that we should never give up hope…

getting sick sucks, but life changes on a dime, figure out what you want to do, and then go day by day figuring out what you can do… if you can’t drive to the store today, order a pizza and drive to the store tomorrow… When i am really down, I have my mother for support… somehow, she manages to pull me out of my MS blues when something I want to do is suddenly impossible… I hope that every one out there (MS or not) has someone in their life that can be there for time half as much as my Mother is for me…

Happy wordage everyone… I hope you enjoy the second friday of the month/MS news post… Tracey Clark