Warm and Worn

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I don’t know about you guys, but I am soooooo ready for fall… I swear that the oxygen is beginning to evaporate because of this outrageous heat… omg…

I had to run out to the post office to mail out a prize for the RRBC Block Party and the heat was out of control… the car temp (which I truly hope was broken – on my 2016 car… almost a year old… ??? that’s long enough for things to start breaking… right???) well it told me that it was 101 degrees out… which is just wrong on soooooo many levels… but the prize wasn’t gonna mail itself… there was nothing to do but to drip my way to the counter… (omg – the sweat)

hopefully it will cool down out there by the time I’m forced to make that trip again… the heat has been zapping my energy and will to ??? well, to do anything ready… the amount of movement it takes to get out of bed already has me broken out in salty, dripping sweat… it is impossible to think straight when you are constantly cursing the salty tears burning your eyes…

but sopping wet and blood shot eyes, I managed to get my winner’s package sent… lol… which reminds me, if you guys want to win some goodies, the RRBC Back to School Block Party… every day this month there are chances to win prizes on the awesome blogs signed up to participate… bloggers, authors, and all manner of fun peeps… in fact, I did a stop on my author blog – Finder’s Keepers – Author Tracey Clark– on aug 5th, and will be doing another stop on aug 29th over on my book blog – Finders Keepers Series… woo who… come have some fun… and remember to head to RRBC to check the line up each day for new chances…

 Blog Party 1

Keep it Down… Shhh

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I complain about my sleeping issues all the time… to myself, to my dogs and mother… to you guys… it can be maddening… first you deal with the heat and headaches keeping you up at night… and if you’re like me, you end up exhausted after days of little to no sleep… lol… the easiest way for me to get to sleep is to do some research for one of my books… then, heat or no heat, my brain just shuts off… not sure if that counts as sleep or not, but after days of wide-eyed confusion, a girl has to do what a girl has to do…

but my lack of sleep has roots in more than just pain or heat… thinking can keep me up more thoroughly than any pain… it is something that started soon after my diagnosis… or maybe it started getting worse… I’m not sure… but my mind is always on this constant loop of plans, story ideas, sadness (if something happens or I watch a tear jerker), etc… really anything and everything keeps my the hamster wheel I call my thoughts to continuously spin… the one thing I have found that helps is to pop in a movie or tv DVD that I have watched a million times… the sound of something that I practically know by heart helps me sleep… if I have something on that I’ve never seen before, my mind wants to know more… insane, but even a B-rated horror flick would have my eyes popping back open so that I could see what happened next…

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anyone that has watched the first Underworld will (maybe) know what scene I’m talking about when I say that turn on the movie and as soon as the huge (and man, that guy has to be like 7 ft of pure muscle) black man that plays one of the werewolves, screams out ‘bloods’ in his deep bass, then starts shooting in the underground train station, I would start to drift to sleep… lol… for the first three years after my diagnosis, I drifted off to that base growl… poor mom… back then, she was so afraid of losing me that she sleep in the same room…

the room wasn’t really that big, so it wasn’t like she could put her bed far enough away that two hours of vampires, werewolves and gunfire on a loop didn’t keep her awake… but it was either that or I never slept…

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my second fave for a good night’s sleep was Hellboy… still very loud… but maybe a little less gun play… I think it was the sound of rapid fire explosions that quieted my mind, because Underworld was always better at putting me to sleep… but hey, a girl needed a change every once in a while…😛

these days, it is helpful to put in a tv season that I have watched a million times… but lately, I have been thinking of going back to Underworld… sleeping in the tub is always easy, but I am getting prune lines… later guys… happy wordage…

Evil Confusion… Evil MS

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I want to growl, maybe even howl… there is definitely a scream or two building up at the inefficiency of my mind… okay… that might be a little harsh… but still very true…

I love writing… which is very surprising seeing as I deal with MS (confusion) and dyslexia every day, and especially during the hotter summer months… as the temperature rises, my MS symptoms make themselves known… misunderstandings and an inability to verbalize my thoughts is frequent… but after growing up with the confusion and the lack of articulation associated with dyslexia, these symptoms are nothing new…

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part of creating novels and short stories is research… something that I have always abhorred… but the added difficulties of living with MS has made evil research even worse… it’s hard to explain, but my brain sort of shuts down when faced with too much confusion… learning something new, or focusing on and answering questions creates a short circuit in my ability to stay awake… I simply pass out… it is maddening… and disheartening…

I want to create stories that can be enjoyed… stories with added tidbits of honest real world information to pull the reader in and allow them to visualize my words as if they were living the story…

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finding a balance that allows my mind to work at its own pace, and my creative side to put together works I consider worthy of publishing is hard… but in the end it is worth it… there is a pride and joy that overcomes me as my words become published works… it is a type of high, a high of accomplishment… (oh course, then I have to deal with writer’s depression… something that happens after the publishing phase is over and down with… but I deal with that by taking on art projects and starting on new writing projects… )

if the confusion of MS symptoms and dyslexia were too overwhelming (or not worth enduring) I never would have finished my first novel… now if I could just find a way to stay conscious during research, life would be a lot easier to navigate…

good luck with life, and good luck with you own MS symptoms during this overwhelmingly hot season… happy wordage, tracey

sign up for Finder’s Keepers Newsletter and receive updates on future works…😛

Nudist Colony here I come…

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I’m meltinggggggg…….. I’m melting… when to the store with mom and she suddenly looks at me, head cocked to the side and asks “Your shirt is wet. Is that sweat under your breasts?”

“Why… yes, yes it is. and thank you for calling attention to the matter….” we were in the middle of Wal-Mart… looking at bras… lol… I felt like promising the sales attendant that I wouldn’t try anything on…

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(well… that pic could mean something completely different… but it was the closest one I could find to what I wanted… )

even if I did move to a nudist colony, I would still run around covered in sweat, my head swelling from the heat… I need shade, a strong breeze and as little clothing as is acceptable… I swear, this heat makes me want to be a man… then I could run around with flip-flops and shorts on, and nothing else… sure, some places demand a shirt and shoes before they will serve ya, but that is what wife beater tees are for…

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unless I can locate one in Antarctica…omg I am burning up… lol… I think I will start sitting on piles of ice throughout the day… in college (due to roommate fights and the heat in the room when someone left the heater on in summer) I would take ice cold bathes before bed, drop my body temperature low enough that I didn’t have time to overheat before I feel asleep… this weather has me eyeballing the tub and thinking about making a run to the store for a bag of ice…

and just think peeps, the worst is yet to come… lets all move north…

but inside with the AC I am cool enough to work on my books… just finished/published the second book in my Finder’s Keepers series… woo who… urban fantasy romance…

if you want book info sign up for my author Newsletter

and keep cool… I’m off for some ice chips and some edits…

OMG … my head

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lol… I know what my brain is telling me… it is screaming that I have MS and need to slow down… the month of may has been way to full of activity… I know that I need to avoid stress and heat, and listen to my body… but sometimes all I hear is ‘blah, blah, blah…’

I hate the feeling of being hampered by my MS, but that is the way of it… grrr…

okay, now that the growling is out of the way, I have to think of ways to work with my MS… my hardest obstical is Sleep… I toss and turn, sleep in the tub, and wake up exhausted… when I sleep in the bed, I roll in circles and end up tossing my pillows all over the place.. sometimes my head ends up where my feet should be… and falling asleep in the first place is a real back in the arse…

but my heads main problem is Smell… I took mom to get a perm earlier this month, and ended up sitting outside to avoid the smells… man… it had to be the strongest solution ever created for a perm… and then we rested up for a mother/daughter church dinner with granny-2…  I guess my brain/smeller was already in hyper-drive… as soon as we walked into the reception/fellowship area my nose was assaulted by the smell of freshly cut onions… my eyes began to water and my head to ache… omg… and the dang onions were at the other end of the room…

sooo… I had a few headaches this month, but I got a lot done… finished camp nano with 70,000+ words (one and half novels in rough draft form), worked on a new art project, and checked out Lake Cumberland with mom… a little pain, but all in all, I have had some great moments this month…

happy wordage, tracey

watch me run…

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I ran… the wind blew, the sweat started to drip, my breathing accelerated, and still I ran… I became a bullet train of MS glory… muhahahaha

okay… that isn’t me… and my distance my seem trivial to some, but to all you MSers out there, when I say I managed to beat my time on the 25 foot walk, it will mean something… when I first got sick, 25ft felt like miles… a marathon of pain… and then I had to sit down… and that was after I had bounced off the walls as I wobbled down the hall… and my time… HA… a lot embarrassed me back then… now I share everything… bladder issues, jumbled words, or loss of basic abilities… but at the time I wanted to cry… I felt like I needed to push harder, like people (even my dr) would look at me and think “She isn’t even trying… there’s nothing wrong with her!!!”

back then my 7+ seconds time was humiliating… as I grow with my MS, and accept more limits, and strive for goals, I am better equipped to handle the ups and downs… but this one, folks, was definitely an up… 2 seconds… point-5 seconds faster than my last time…  and what fancy foot wear did I don in preparation for my big run???

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HA… no tennis shoes for this girl… I showed up for appointment with my comfy flip flops on my feet… but this 25ft walk (or in my case run) is serious business… lol… so I kicked them off… and my doc, well accustomed to my ways by now, told the little nurse in training to “back out of the way…. she really is gonna run” … lol… in my stance and off I went… it is the small accomplishments that help to balance out the crap… and that 25ft is now my favorite part of the neurologist’s office… that and my doc is funny… that is why I think she will totally appreciate my runners gear…

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I soooo need to find something like this…😛 … day by day, highs and lows, I want everyone to keep shooting for those small moments… it can be anything… a good time on your 25ft walk, a day without headaches, making something that has been giving you trouble for years… each small moment gives hope … and, for me, usually a smile… because I am well aware that I am acting like a silly monger, but for once I am having fun with my MS… tracey

 

Walk it Off – MS

Today is Walk MS in my area… a time for MS supporter and sufferers to come together to fight MS with a fundraiser Walk… they walk a mile, eat some lunch, and purchase some Multiple Sclerosis shirts…

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lol… my zombie walk has gotten a lot better but I still have my off days… most of those walking are sturdy on their feet… to participate, you don’t have to actually walk, if you can’t… I have been virtually walking for the last month… (though no one has chosen to donate on my MS page… I was still able to show my support)

next year, plan how you can support MS… donations, walk/bike, or blog until you can’t blog no more…😛

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I have never had anyone say this to me… and I never say it to myself… be sure that you never say it either (to yourself or to others) … each and every day, do what you can… whether it is for something like Walk MS or in day to day tasks… I can’t walk this year, and I have found a way to make myself feel like I am contributing… I would love to actually walk but that just isn’t some that I CAN do…

and the walker are off….

and if you want to donate to Walk MS, Click HERE

or if you just want to check out my Walk MS post, Click HERE

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